Dad Worries School Sports Medal Too Pointy! (via Free-Range Kids)

Thursday, August 9th, 2012

Hi — ‘Tis Lenore from Free-Range Kids again. Here’s one that’ll make you (verrrrrry carefully) bang your head against the table: A dad noticed that the medals a school was giving out as prizes were not made out of fur, or cotton, or silk. They were, in fact, made out of metal, with a point at one end!  According to this article on the website Kent:

The father-of-two said: “What on earth were these idiots thinking, handing out something like that to children? It does make you wonder how in these health-and-safety days, these slipped through the net. The people who organised it obviously didn’t see them like that but they’re so sharp, I just pushed one into a wooden table.

“I can’t believe someone’s allowed these to be given out.”

The technician, who is in his late 50s, spotted a friend’s ten-year-old son wearing one of the bronze medals last week and immediately confiscated it.

He said: “He was proudly wearing it round his neck and I thought, ‘My God, he’s going to stab himself with that.’

Let’s hope no one ever hands any kids he knows a cross or a Star of David! The horror! – L.
Dangerous:  Lawrence Connolly holds the medal he fears could be used as a weapon. Far right: The medal stabbed into a wood table

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74 Responses to “Dad Worries School Sports Medal Too Pointy! (via Free-Range Kids)”

  1. #1 |  Deandra MacDonald | 

    Those medals do seem strangely and excessively sharp. But I think government authorities have their hands rightfully tied with more pressing matters:

  2. #2 |  liberranter | 

    The father-of-two said: “What on earth were these idiots thinking, handing out something like that to children? It does make you wonder how in these health-and-safety days, these slipped through the net.

    How the hell did this castrato b**** become a father of two?

  3. #3 |  JThompson | 

    @Algerhiss: I don’t much feel like going into a long “Manlier than thou” game right now, so I’m just going to point out that your friend sounds like he’s overcompensating and leave it at that.

    Ok, I can’t leave it at that. Your friend spends his entire day critiquing other men’s shoes and somehow he thinks HE is the manly one?

  4. #4 |  jmcross | 

    Yeah, yeah. Real men learn to work the saxophone, play just what they feel, drink Scotch whisky all night long and die behind the wheel.

  5. #5 |  jmcross | 

    … in steel toed boots.

  6. #6 |  Mairead | 

    @21 Areson: Is this an example of Poe’s Law?

    I don’t know what you mean by “this”. If you’re asking whether I’m serious: I am. It was a lousy job of design whether considered from an aesthetic or safety standpoint. It’s basic Murphy: if you don’t want something to poke holes in things where holes shouldn’t be, don’t make it pointy because as sure as fate, if you do, it will.

  7. #7 |  Mairead | 

    @42 JohnL: you don’t wear medals for horseplay

    We’re talking about kids, John.

  8. #8 |  Cyto | 

    I love this post! It brought back great memories. When I was a teen, around 1980, my best friend lived next door to a clone of this parent. He kept calling the police on us for things like riding our bikes, motorcycles (on our own property no less) and (horrors) sitting beside a creek. Apparently he was worried that we might fall in the 4 inch deep creek and drown.

    Anyway, after the creek incident we teamed up with my friends older brother and the 3 of us picked up and scooted his car sideways in the garage as a revenge prank. He only had about 2 feet of clearance, so he couldn’t drive his way out of it. Spent the whole next day in the driveway with the local cops and a Polaroid taking pictures of tire marks in the driveway.

    Eventually the police figured out he was a crank and quit hassling us when he called them out…. they’d just drive by and wave. I shudder to think what could have happened if we’d been less courteous and respectful to the police – even knowing that we were not doing anything illegal. (well, other than the time we turned his car sideways… but you can’t really count that one)

    A few years later I learned that the neighbor had lost his 5 year old son to a hit and run driver in the street in front of his house in the quiet suburban subdivision. That explained why he was such a paranoid dick. I didn’t regret the prank, but I do feel for the guy and now I understand what he was dealing with. You never know until you walk a mile in their shoes….

  9. #9 |  jmcross | 

    Mr Connolly, here’s your award…

  10. #10 |  Rich T | 

    I guess he would go ape shit if he knew I gave my 8 yr old a 22 for her birthday.

  11. #11 |  John C. Randolph | 

    spotted a friend’s ten-year-old son wearing one of the bronze medals last week and immediately confiscated it.

    That’s theft, not confiscation. Confiscation is taking someone else’s property for some legally justifiable cause.


  12. #12 |  croaker | 

    @52 Nice idea, but no. Find the largest realistic dildo made and mount it on a plaque. The award can say “World’s Biggest Dick”.

    Alternately, find a two-gallon enema bag and mount a “World’s Biggest Douchebag” sign on it.

  13. #13 |  Steve Verdon | 


    Hopefully someday your friend will feel comfortable enough to come out of the closet.

    The poor guy.

  14. #14 |  Steve Verdon | 

    The kid could also strangle himself or others with that dangerous ribbon attached to the medal, or swing the medal around with the ribbon and fracture their skull.

    Tie several together on a stick and by God you have a fail!!! The horror.

    Of course, if I were 10 I’d think having a flail would be freaking awesome….till I beaned myself in the head with it.

  15. #15 |  Steve Verdon | 


    Admit it, you are just pissed you never got that Red Rider BB gun.

  16. #16 |  John C. Randolph | 

    BTW, I wonder if the moron in question would have a conniption if someone pointed out to him that kids use pencils in school. Personally, I know two people who used pencils for self-defense in elementary school, in each case inflicting a rather deep wound on the bully they were repelling.


  17. #17 |  Ken Hagler | 

    I used a pencil that way in elementary school myself once, when I was very little.

  18. #18 |  Mairead | 

    I never used a pencil for defence, but I do still, 66 years on, have a longish bit of broken-off #2 lead in my ankle/instep from running at school whilst carrying a pencil in my sock. After that I decided not to carry pencils in my socks.

  19. #19 |  tariqata | 

    Ken Hagler: Now I’m reminded of the ‘stabbing’ at my high school. One kid managed to stab another kid in the head with a pencil hard enough to draw blood.

    No pencils were confiscated following that incident, however.

  20. #20 |  demize! | 

    I’m pretty sure it could be used as a weapon. Let me stab him in the neck with it and see if he can breathe through the hole to be sure.

  21. #21 |  Maria | 

    As a child I stabbed myself with a pencil due to some ill timed horseplay. I still have a bit of lead in my palm. Despite this trauma I somehow managed to carry on into adulthood. I even learned how to safely use the dangerous pencil, I’ve only stabbed myself occasionally in the last 30 years.

    I even graduated to pens while still a young girl and then I mastered the most dangerous game of all.

    Fountain pens.

    It seems this is now considered a major accomplishment. I feel that I should have gotten a medal at some point. Come to think of it… I’ll just go and steal one from the nearest child.

  22. #22 |  Anton Sherwood | 

    Ten years old, hm. I was that age when I started regularly carrying a knife. What were my parents thinking?! It’s a wonder that I haven’t murdered anyone yet.

  23. #23 |  Frank | 

    This guy needs to clean the window in his navel so that he can see out. The trouble with kids these days is that they’re parented by pansies like this. Thank goodness he’s not my neighbor.

  24. #24 |  stray | 

    This moron sounds like an idiot uncle of mine. My cousins weren’t allowed to use forks until they were 18 because he was worried that they would poke their mouths. Honest to God true story.