From The Desk of Mayor Bloomberg

Tuesday, July 24th, 2012

FROM: Michael R. Bloomberg, Mayor

TO: Raymond W. Kelly, Police Commissioner



Piers Morgan is a puke, but at least the man knows how to listen. Last night I floated the idea we discussed: if we don’t get the gun control laws we’re entitled to, the cops will go on strike! I backed it up with lots of talk about how there’s a surge in violence against cops. There’s some rable-rousers out there who will dispute my numbers, but nobody listens to them. This is still post 9/11 America, and when you say “danger,” they buy it.

But as I left the CNN studios, Ray, it hit me: aren’t we thinking too small?

We have the public terrified of crime. We have them thinking that they need cops to protect them from that crime. And we have an agenda. Why the hell aren’t we making full use of that?

Saying “Second Amendment? Then No Cop!” is a good start. But let’s look further:

1. Like I said last week, those assholes at the ACLU are as bad as the ones at the NRA. I got your “rights” right here, buddy. Proposal: you want to be protected? Stop complaining about troublemakers being stopped and frisked.

2. Shut the fuck up about Big Gulps, or no cops. (Dude, I know this isn’t a top law enforcement issue. But do a friend a solid, will you?)

3. You think you have a “right” to take pictures of us? Fine. We’ve got a right not to come when you dial 911. How’s that for a picture?

4. Oh, now we’re not supposed to use our discretion in handling parking tickets any more? Well, maybe we’ll use it by not coming to your accident scene, instead.

5. Raiding the homes of protestors to deter them from protesting is a strain on our resources. So quit protesting. Or we strike.

6. Shut the fuck up about the Muslims; we’ll investigate whoever we want for whatever we want. Want to keep whining about it? Maybe the Muslims will help you next time someone breaks into your apartment.

Anyway, Ray, let’s hash this out.

Now, the optics on this are delicate, and it’s a tricky business, so if you could get your guys to go a few weeks without shooting any unarmed people in their doorways or using drunk citizens for sex or sodomizing any suspects with broomsticks, that would be just great.



[–Ken White]

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22 Responses to “From The Desk of Mayor Bloomberg”

  1. #1 |  Dante | 

    I can see the headlines now:

    Cops go on strike!
    (crime rates drop)

    Go ahead and strike, you will only prove that you are not needed.

    Protect and Serve (Themselves!)

  2. #2 |  Xenocles | 

    “We’ve got a right not to come when you dial 911.”

    Isn’t that already the law? (Warren v. DC, Castle Rock v. Gonzales)

  3. #3 |  DoubleU | 

    If you had twice as many open carry and half as many cops America would be a safer place.

  4. #4 |  el coronado | 

    Nice memo, but the premise is all wrong. It’ll never happen, no matter how many stupid-ass control freak nanny state mayors push for it. People accepting responsibility for their own safety & defense is the absolute **last** thing pols & TPTB want.

  5. #5 |  Dave Krueger | 

    I predict Bloomberg will go down as one of New York’s most popular mayors. New Yorkers like someone who don’t take no shit.

  6. #6 |  Leonson | 

    Most of the time Police Officers don’t stop crime anyways, they clean up afterwards.

  7. #7 |  Bloomberg Call for Chaos » Right Thinking | 

    […] men being frisked than there are black men and an insane number of marijuana busts. Mike Riggs, Ken White and Radley Balko take the “War on Cops” talking point apart. Money quote: In 2008, ten […]

  8. #8 |  Linda | 

    I seen the Piers Morgan interview too. Nauseating.

  9. #9 |  crzyb0b | 

    Hey Radley- Next time you’re on Stossel’s show ask him why he insists on publishing falsehoods i.e.:

    Is it because he is ignorant, or just morally bankrupt?

  10. #10 |  Helmut O' Hooligan | 

    “We’re not getting any help from either side of the aisle,” the mayor said. “Our people are getting killed every single day. The police officers can be an integral part of that because it’s their lives that are more in danger than anybody else’s.”

    The police carry sidearms and wear bullet-resistant vests. They are not “more in danger” than the rest of us. What a bunch of crap. I’m surprised the mayor didn’t drag out that old “long hot summer” line that police unions used to use to scare people into doing their bidding.

  11. #11 |  AlgerHiss | 

    Forget Bloomberg. It’s the NYC voter that elects this shit that I despise.

    If you live in NYC, go screw yourself.

    And if al-Qaeda hits you again, big freak’n deal. I don’t care.

  12. #12 |  KP | 

    So I get to keep my 2nd amendment right (about the last one left at this point) but in return

    there are no more coppers.

    OK. I accept.

  13. #13 |  tarran | 

    I’m sorry crazybob?

    What falsehoods specifically are you accusing Stossell of promoting?

    Are you saying the government didn’t create Arpanet?

    Or are you accusing Xerox of not having invented the mouse?

  14. #14 |  Cappy | 

    Ken, on #3, you should have linked to Warren v. District of Columbia.

  15. #15 |  Jess | 

    Calm down tarran, and learn from someone who knows:

  16. #16 |  Burgers Allday | 


    I called you out on last Thursday’s Ms. McNeill’s lynx thd, but you did not come.

  17. #17 |  John Regan | 

    Maybe we’re being too hard on the cops. It appears they might just be trigger happy generally, for reasons as yet unknown. Here’s a sad story of a retired cop accidentally fatally shooting his own son:

    And another retired cop mistakenly shoots himself:

    Can’t chalk these up to any kind of malice. Just a too-quick reflex?

  18. #18 |  Mayor Bloomberg Calls for Police Strike Over Gun Control - Page 3 - INGunOwners | 

    […] From The Desk of Mayor Bloomberg | The Agitator […]

  19. #19 |  croaker | 

    @6 Why do you think they are called “police”? Anyone who was in the military knows this.

  20. #20 |  “We’re not going to protect you” - Overlawyered | 

    […] to sabotage the case for gun control. [cross-posted from Cato at Liberty. As usual, Ken White is funnier; & Daily Caller, Mike Riggs, New York Sun ("It is a scandal that this most basic article of […]

  21. #21 |  Leon Wolfeson | 

    @12 – To be in a militia? Sure. Just join the national guard.

  22. #22 |  Mayor Bloomberg States that, due to Gun Laws, Americans Don’t Actually Need Cops « The Boys on the Board | 

    […] I suppose that’s not his intent, the exact opposite, in fact, but I can think of a few places where the citizenry might be just as happy to self-police.  […]