A few weeks ago, I took my dog, Nola Mae, for a walk. After digging in some bushes for a minute, she emerged, facing away from me, squeaking something she found.
I didn’t think much of it since dogs in the neighborhood drop/bury balls and other toys with squeakers in them all the time. She comes home with a new toy she found outside about twice a month.
But when Nola finally turned around, the head of a two or three-week-old rabbit was sticking out of her mouth. (I never imagined how realistic the sound of squeaker in a dog toy is – sounds just like the real thing.) Like any dog owner, I knew that if I tried to take something from my dog’s mouth, it would cause her to bite down even harder. I also knew that meant a decapitated bunny.
So I choked my precious little pup until she was about to tap out. That caused her to open her mouth to gasp for air and, when she did, the baby rabbit dropped to the ground with a thud.
I tied Nola up and grabbed the motionless rabbit off the ground. After performing bunny CPR on the little thing, the baby rabbit perked up and seemed like it might live. I found its nest or den or whatever you call a hole with three little baby rabbits in it and tucked it back in. The next day, when I checked on the rabbits, the attack victim seemed as healthy as its siblings.
The picture is me holding the baby rabbit seconds after heroically performing chest compressions and bringing the little thing back to life.
After feeding my dog a jar of peanut butter and about $20 worth of bull penis treats, she has apparently forgiven me for having to strangle her.
All’s well that ends well.