In Heaven, The Cooks Are Italian, The Lovers Are French, The Cops Are From North Carolina, And Everything Is Run By The Germans

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2012

In Hell, the Cooks are German, the Lovers are Italian, the Cops are French, and everything is run by people from North Carolina.

Hats off to the late Andy Griffith. If American sheriffs had the humor, wisdom, and modesty of Sheriff Andy Taylor; if their deputies were allotted one bullet which had to be carried in a pocket; this site would be unnecessary.

— Patrick from Popehat, proud citizen of North Carolina.

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21 Responses to “In Heaven, The Cooks Are Italian, The Lovers Are French, The Cops Are From North Carolina, And Everything Is Run By The Germans”

  1. #1 |  Robert | 

    All right now, let’s leave the North Carolina insults out of it…

  2. #2 |  EH | 

    Cackalacky represent!

  3. #3 |  crazybob | 

    No No NO! – In hell the british cook, the italians drive, the french run the phones, the germans are the police and the americans make love.

  4. #4 |  Patrick from Popehat | 

    Born in North Carolina, graduated from UNC (several times), lives in Durham.

  5. #5 |  croaker | 

    The over/under for the length of the Andy Griffith retrospective on Entertainment Tonight is eight minutes.

  6. #6 |  Robert | 

    OK, I see you added that to the post. And at least you didn’t go to Duke. You are forgiven.

  7. #7 |  Pete | 

    I had the same thoughts, Patrick. Sheriff Andy Taylor, exhibited all of the traits that a community could possibly want in a law enforcement officer … Friendly, honest, humble, non-violent (and didn’t carry a gun), concerned, caring, able to think out-side the box, more concerned with the spirit of the law (and positive outcomes) than the letter of the law. Imagine such a world.

  8. #8 |  Cyto | 

    As an Alum of UNC (and Duke among others), I recommend going back to the beginning and checking out “What it was, was Football” and “No Time For Sergeants”.

  9. #9 |  Ariel | 

    However, Andy did use a gun on a least one episode. But only when it was absolutely necessary.

  10. #10 |  GÄC | 

    Here’s hoping I’m around to see the day the sheriffs are all like Andy Taylor and Radley is only blogging about good music and Hunde….

  11. #11 |  Personanongrata | 

    RIP, Andy.

  12. #12 |  (B)oscoH, Yogurt Eater | 

    When I heard on the radio that “America’s Sheriff” died, I was cheering thinking it was Joe Arpaio. Am I going to Hell?

  13. #13 |  Carl "Bear" Bussjaeger | 

    @12 (B)osch: In Hell, Arpaio runs security.

    (And when I lived in Germany, I loved the food.)

  14. #14 |  bacchys | 

    This site wouldn’t be completely unnecessary!

    There’s always the puppy pics and the music!

    Keep up the good work, Radley…

  15. #15 |  Yizmo Gizmo | 

    I quit going to Durham when the Russian hottie behind the bar at Parizade went off to some graduate program…

  16. #16 |  Elliot | 

    I loved the character Andy Taylor. What little I saw of Matlock was passable, but not my cup of tea.

    I just hated to see how Griffith played a part in that preposterous campaign commercial that Opie (Ron Howard) put out in 2008. Those idiot actors put on a couple skits with ensembles from the old TV shows (Andy Griffith Show and Happy Days) to warn of the dire consequences of not electing Obama. Well, we’ve seen the dire consequences of electing Obama, so that should be a lesson in never taking political advice from actors.

    I’d love to burn that one bad memory of Andy Griffith out of my mind and simply remember the man for everything else.

  17. #17 |  Patrick from Popehat | 

    Watch “No Time For Sergeants” Elliot. It’s as funny as “Caddyshack”, and that’s saying something.

    I don’t hold the man’s political advocacy against him because he was 82 and he was doing Opie a favor. (Also, it didn’t make a difference.) But “No Time For Sergeants” will burn any bad memories out of your head.

  18. #18 |  Ariel | 

    Oh, and don’t forget Onionhead (as much a drama as a comedy). I was USCG and damn that film nailed it.

    “No time for Sergeants” matches anything. His soliloquy on football is another moment in the history of comedy.

    As for Opie, as well Asner, or the execrable Fonda, or anyone else from that field: their field is acting, after that they are just fooling themselves about the weight of their knowledge while trying to fool the rest of us by the weight of their celebrity. Doesn’t mean their opinion doesn’t have merit, at times, just means their accomplishments in acting have no bearing on their opinions elsewhere, but they think it does and they wants us to think so also. The guy two doors down from me is likely as well or better informed than they, as well more wise on any subject. But he doesn’t have that worth by way of celebrity. Celebrity being a chimera, a vain and idle fancy as to worth.

    Hate to tell any of them, sorry Opie, but no matter how hard I try, my children have no idea who Wayne, Bogart, Fonda, Robinson, Cagney, Cooper, Ford, Hawks, even Coppola, are. I’m still trying just to get Kubrick and Kurosawa sticking in their heads. They won’t remember you anymore than they know D.W. Griffith, or for god’s sake Hawthorne, F. Cooper, Poe, or sadly Melville, or even worse Hemingway and Faulkner.

    They do know Newton, Copernicus, Hawkins, my son Higgs, but you? No, your worth is a footnote in a coffee table book. Use it while you can but don’t think it means anymore than just that. You, Cruise, et al, are footnotes at the bottom of one page. Wealthy fade-aways. Nothing more. Welcome to the lives of the rest of us.

  19. #19 |  Bob Mc | 

    I’m amazed that none of the tributes I seen since he passed have mentioned what was (IMO) his greatest work, “A Face In The Crowd”.

  20. #20 |  Judi | 

    I am North Carolina born and bred and damned proud to be a TARHEEL! Thanks Andy. Rest easy North Carolina’s son.

  21. #21 |  Return of the Agitator « The Honest Courtesan | 

    […] thirteen posts to his credit; he started quietly with a links column, some dog pictures  and a goodbye to Andy Griffith from which my  epigram was drawn.  Next he explained “Why I Hate ‘The Star-Spangled […]