A sentence I never imagined I’d write.

Saturday, March 10th, 2012

My former intern seems to have broken his penis.

Really, go read it. It’s agonizing, cringe-inducing, and, in places, way more information than you really could have wanted. It’s also poignant. And a great piece of writing.

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30 Responses to “A sentence I never imagined I’d write.”

  1. #1 |  Nipplemancer | 

    There is so much awesome and so much “HOLY SHIT WHY AM I READING THIS” in that story.
    Good job Jeff, sorry you broke your dick.

  2. #2 |  hamburglar007 | 

    The doctor’s name really makes the story come alive.

  3. #3 |  Mattocracy | 

    “Since I can’t do much, we get creative. I’ve never given “the shocker” before, but it seems to be working great, for both of us. “I really like you,” she says afterward.”

    “Good to hear, Mrs. Thatcher.”


  4. #4 |  winston smith | 

    TMI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  5. #5 |  Jack Dempsey | 

    I’m a science teacher, and I’ve heard of this happening before. Not something I’d want to experience myself.

  6. #6 |  B | 

    I’m continually amazed at how caring women can be.

  7. #7 |  Difster | 

    I sincerely hope this never happens to me.

  8. #8 |  Longtorso | 

    At least the penis he broke was his own.

  9. #9 |  Longtorso | 

    You break it you bought it.

    I’ll be here all week. Be sure to tip your wait staff.

  10. #10 |  Name Nomad | 

    I can’t believe he didn’t use the “you break it, you buy it” line on her.

  11. #11 |  hamburglar007 | 

    I won’t be eating eggplant anytime soon.

  12. #12 |  orangeyouglad | 

    I couldn’t read it. I tried, but I couldn’t make it passed swollen and purple. I’m going to have nightmares.

  13. #13 |  Fred Mangels | 

    I don’t see why he didn’t just drive himself to the hospital, assuming he has a car. That ambulance ride likely added at least a thousand dollars more to the cost.

  14. #14 |  JLTs | 

    After reading this I don’t feel so bad about being celibate for many years, and now in addtion to fears of things that ajax and penicillin won’t get rid of I have this concern. Yep alone isn’t all that bad.

  15. #15 |  Nipplemancer | 

    #13 – I don’t think he was too concerned about the cost since he’d just done the unimaginable to his member.

  16. #16 |  Stormy Dragon | 

    “You can-NOT repeat this to anyone else,” I say to my friend Mike, who I work with. It feels great to be sharing the truth with someone. “Ya wanna see it?” We scurry to the office bathroom.

    His office seems to have a very different corporate culture then mine…

  17. #17 |  DoubleU | 

    This is terrible. First the guy breaks his dick and then you guys bust his balls.

  18. #18 |  Lucy Steigerwald | 

    I must have a lot of empathy because I did a lot of cringing and flailing while reading that essay.

  19. #19 |  quasimod | 

    My eyes are still watering. I may be weeping, I’m not sure yet.

  20. #20 |  Burgers Allday | 

    Wait, Mr. Balko, you have . . . o, nevermind.

  21. #21 |  croaker | 

    I’ve been on the EMS side of that incident. It’s only funny in the aftermath.

  22. #22 |  Kolohe | 

    King Missile finally has enough for a follow-up single.

  23. #23 |  Mario | 

    I can’t read this, because I have an idea of exactly how such a thing could happen; and there but for just a tiny bit more enthusiasm and bad timing on my lady friend’s part, once upon a time, a good 15 or so years ago, would have gone I.

  24. #24 |  Tim C | 

    #22 FTW. Nicely played. Though I now am thinking “more like for an extended live version/extra verse kind of thing.”

  25. #25 |  Jim Collins | 

    I wanted to make sure that I read this right and was OK, untill I saw the ad on the side of the page for a “Portable Hardness Tester”. I think I hurt myself laughing.

  26. #26 |  Helmut O' Hooligan | 

    #21 Croaker: ” I’ve been on the EMS side of that incident. It’s only funny in the aftermath”

    Yeah, I would imagine. I’ve been working in healthcare security for awhile now and I haven’t seen one of these coming through ER yet. And that is fine w/ me. It’s hard enough having to hold down a combative drunk while the RN’s insert a catheter.

    Now what WOULD be funny is going to one of those EMS calls where some guy–generally drunk–gets his dong stuck in a vaccum hose or pool suction device. Hah!

  27. #27 |  Mike Magnus | 

    I think you can expect the quality of future interns to go down…
    “you heard what happened to the last guy, didn’t?”

  28. #28 |  dhex | 

    apparently the balko nutpunch is longer-lasting and more dangerous than we suspected.

  29. #29 |  Cornellian | 

    What is so frightening about that story, to me, is that I had no idea such a thing could happen to a penis.

  30. #30 |  EBL | 

    I agree with #2. It is kismet!