Wednesday, January 4th, 2012

This is taken from the SWAT team page for the Barton County, Kansas Sheriff’s Department.

The glib sloganeering about how they apply violence is bad enough. But note that they chose the word use, instead of sell or deal.

Thanks to Eapen Thampy for the tip.

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71 Responses to “Charming”

  1. #1 |  Pam | 

    Whoa, I’m confused as to whether this is still America. I mean, where are we?

  2. #2 |  Pablo | 

    This is appalling and obviously a police dept that got some grant money they didn’t have a legitimate use for. I mean,how many hostage situations or barricaded fugitives do they have every year in Barton Co. Kansas?

    From the photo it looks like they would benefit from hitting the gym and doing pushaways (pushing themselves away from the table) instead of harassing pot smokers.

  3. #3 |  Aresen | 

    “Thugs R Us.”

  4. #4 |  Mario | 

    What do you call a campaign that sets out to strike fear into the a civilian population through violence or the threat of violence? We need a word for that.

  5. #5 |  Hamilton | 

    I’d like to point out that on Radley’s site the image is in its proper proportions. However, if you head over to the link provided you will see that the infact distort the width – making the officers look more slender than they would otherwise.

    Just slightly amusing :)

  6. #6 |  Chris Mallory | 


    I would almost guarantee that at least 6 of them would test positive for steroids.

  7. #7 |  Aresen | 


    The worst part is that large part of the population – maybe a majority – approves of the notion that police should be thugs.

  8. #8 |  Dante | 

    #4 Mario:

    The word you are looking for is “SWAT”.

  9. #9 |  Hags99 | 

    Notice they just say “Drugs”, not “Illegal Drugs”. I take a Statin drug, like millions of others. Are they coming to get me? Also, I wonder how many of them use another drug (Alcohol) after work.

  10. #10 |  Chris Mallory | 

    “The crisis response team was formed in 1991. The team is made up of specially trained deputies to protect the citizens of Barton County. These officers are specifically trained in the service of high risk search warrants, felony arrest warrants and high profile protection.”

    High risk search warrant means any house that might have a gun in it. Of course in the US, that means approximately half of them. I suspect it might be a bit higher in rural Kansas. Seems like every time the local thugs do a bust around here in rural Kentucky, they always pull out the guy’s hunting guns and display them with the drugs and any money in the house. Plus it gives them the added “drugs and guns” charge to pile on.

  11. #11 |  Pablo | 

    #5 Chris agreed there is a lot of bloat and water retention there. They still need some cardio and a little moderation of eating habits.

  12. #12 |  Matt D | 

    The sickening thing to me is seeing the guy off to the side in the ACU uniform. In the town where I work I recently saw a crew of “SWAT” team members come in and eat where I was having lunch. They were loaded for bare in full military gear.
    Even if we assumed these guys were as disciplined and well trained as our military, this would be an absurd, appalling arrangement.
    Instead, we have out of shape knuckleheads that weren’t willing or able to join the military, that are untrained and undisciplined, but have a greater a fetish for having power and control over their fellow citizens. This isn’t just government-sanctioned, it’s celebrated by a large percentage of the population.
    Just thinking about this gives me that sinking feeling in my stomach of hopelessness.

  13. #13 |  Matt | 

    Is this a cheap shot?

  14. #14 |  Marty | 

    fucking assholes trying to be baddasses. using our money against us.

  15. #15 |  Marty | 

    very nice, Matt!

  16. #16 |  nigmalg | 

    And I repel home invaders.

  17. #17 |  benjoya | 

    excellent work, matt, but i think the font is copperplate

  18. #18 |  Boyd Durkin | 

    I slapped a “Brazzers: Gay Division” logo on it and it seems less threatening. Wait, I mean more threatening.

  19. #19 |  Loretta Nall | 

    How come they are all white?

  20. #20 |  Matt | 


    Is that the font? My method of “slowly scrolling through the font list looking for a match” failed so I just picked the closest serif font I could find.

  21. #21 |  Danny | 

    “Exhibit A” in the trial evidence of ANY civil-rights lawsuit involving this unit.

  22. #22 |  Nick T. | 

    f I was addicted to drugs and I saw this picture, I would definitely quit. Violence works!!!

  23. #23 |  KrisV | 


  24. #24 |  treed | 

    Be advised: they are NOT a SWAT team. They are a “Crisis Response Team.” So my neighbor is smoking a joint–how else would all of you smart people “respond” to such a “crisis” if not with fully automatic firearms???? BTW, I suspect the County also has a SWAT team: it would be composed of persons who could run more than 200 yards.

  25. #25 |  Brandon | 

    Do they choose SWAT cops the same way junior high football teams choose linemen? “Hey, you’re fat, get up there.”

  26. #26 |  (B)oscoH | 

    Matt, try “If you need a veterinarian…”

  27. #27 |  treed | 

    You need a caption contest on this photo. I’ll start.
    1. Of course we’ll break down your door. You expect us to climb through a window?
    2. Take the gun. Leave the cannoli.

  28. #28 |  akromper | 

    A few too many of them look kind of fat. An offhand curiosity, do more people get shot by out of shape fat cops due to inability to actually chase a suspect more than a few yards?

  29. #29 |  Dave Krueger | 

    Interesting “caught on film” cop story. Planting drugs.

  30. #30 |  Joseph Moroco | 

    If they need a slogan,

    The Sheriff’s Department

    Helping to make Barton County a Fourth Amendment Free Zone

  31. #31 |  Ted S. | 

    I want to know who uses a PNG for photographic images that should be a JPG. So much bloat. Then again, they are government, so bloat shouldn’t be a surprise.

  32. #32 |  Michael | 

    One day it’s the headline that you can’t get a job as a cop if your IQ is too high, the next it’s this picture.

    That is a very very scary combination.

  33. #33 |  the innominate one | 

    Dante, I think the word Mario is looking for is “terrorism”.

  34. #34 |  (B)oscoH | 

    Ted, if this PNG is masked correctly, it could be nicely overlaid on a picture of a Nazi flag. Those web developers are totally looking out for us!

  35. #35 |  Michael | 

    also, it’s scary to think that you don’t actually have to use drugs for them to barge into your house, you just have to live in a house where they think drugs may be found, or where someone said drugs may be found.

  36. #36 |  omar | 

    The banner image on the page is a gem. I wish I had a better copy of that “Bad Boyz” logo.

  37. #37 |  Resistance | 

    Actually, the word you are searching for is “government.”. The violence is just much more “in your face” these days..

  38. #38 |  David | 

    Viagara is a drug. I’d be willing to bet that 100% of these useless, sociopaths needs that drug to have sex.

    Therefore, maybe they can turn their guns on THEMSELVES and kill two birds with one stone: they get to murder somebody and it’s a drug user, to boot.

  39. #39 |  Aresen | 

    @ David | January 4th, 2012 at 4:32 pm:

    I don’t believe they need viagra to have sex.

    Not with each other, anyways.

  40. #40 |  Helmut O' Hooligan | 

    “But note that they chose the word use, instead of sell or deal.”

    Indeed. I think they just let the cat out of the bag, Radley. The “war on drugs” is a war against US. By the way, how fucking populated is Barton County, KS. What does the UCR data show on crime rate? Just asking cuz I’m to lazy to find out for myself today.

  41. #41 |  PogueMahone | 

    Barton County, KS – Population: 28k.

    Obviously, this farming community just south of Buttfuck Nowhere needs 9 heavily armed guys wearing armor to kick down a few doors, kill a few Labradors, and harass its citizens from time to time. Dontcha know.

  42. #42 |  Phelps | 

    If you make tacos…

    They’ll be stalking your drive thru

  43. #43 |  Helmut O' Hooligan | 

    #28 akromper: “A few too many of them look kind of fat. An offhand curiosity, do more people get shot by out of shape fat cops due to inability to actually chase a suspect more than a few yards?”

    Not necessarily shot, but the fatties are probably more apt to taze people for running as punishment for, you know, making them run. Those douche bags from Barton County remind me of the cops in Idiocracy.

    Ok, I got my shot in. But seriously, up until some time in 2010 I was still involved in the occasional police recruit examination (no longer doing that, thank you). Police applicants have to take different kind of physical agility exams prior to getting a job offer. Like a lot of candidates, I had some good days and some bad days on those physical tests. I confess that I am not an athlete, but I am in decent condition. So, it always pisses me off to see these fat fuckers running around playing action hero when I reflect back on those early morning sessions of running, sit-ups and bench pressing.

    Basically, once you get onto a department, you probably won’t have to take those physical agility tests again (the union makes sure of it). So you are free to turn into a fat fuck if you wish. And these days, I guess it doesn’t matter much. Police aren’t expected to exert themselves too much. In a rescue situation, just wait for the fire department and medics, that’s not “real police work” anyway. And in a confrontation, just pull that taser. None of that old hand-to-hand combat shit. Just aim and ZAP. Now that’s heroism!

  44. #44 |  Dave | 


    I don’t know. You’ll have their department and union after you for trademark infringement. They’ll probably send out the swat team to get everyone just like the Pittsburgh Police Department did after the Jordan Miles fake press release. (I hope I didn’t just give them an idea)

  45. #45 |  RSDavis | 

    You’ve got it all wrong. It’s an advertisement – they are selling the drugs, and will get them to your door in 30 minutes or less.

  46. #46 |  Stormy Dragon | 

    Also, why is there an army soldier in the photo?

  47. #47 |  claude | 

    Where is the pic of the slaughtered family pet? It would make a nice realistic addition.

    BTW, did you notice.. 50% of them have “the mustache”.

  48. #48 |  picachu | 

    Maybe a crimes against humanity tribunal makes housecalls too someday.

  49. #49 |  picachu | 

    I don’t understand twitter but I read Glenn Greenwald’s twitter and theres a post on there from someone else that reads:

    “Google: “We received a request from US law enforcement to remove videos of police brutality”

  50. #50 |  Charlie Potts | 

    By Kansas standards those guys are skinny.

  51. #51 |  Aresen | 

    You know, the best way to deal with these guys is to make them take a 10 mile run at 3 PM on midsummer day in full gear. (And I mean RUN, maggots, not shuffle.)

  52. #52 |  Nancy Lebovitz | 

    Whether or not they’re fat isn’t the point. Do you think thin SWAT will be less dangerous? More responsible?

  53. #53 |  Andrew S. | 

    picachu @49: See this link:

    Several governmental agencies that deserve to be hit with a thundershock attack.

  54. #54 |  Aresen | 

    @ Nancy Lebovitz

    You’re right. Their fat assess aren’t the point.

    But it is still fun to think of them trying to hussle them on a training run.

    (And the thought of having to go on such training runs might discourage a few from joining the squad.)

  55. #55 |  picachu | 

    Ohhh I get it. Thanks Andrew!

  56. #56 |  StrongStyleFiction | 

    What is it with cops and mustaches? Those are the kind of guys who keep paying to see Michael Bay movies and thus making the world suck for the rest of us.

  57. #57 |  Reformed Republican | 

    We are here to protect you from harming yourself. Do not make us get violent.

  58. #58 |  picachu | 

    8th grader killed by police in Texas had a pellet gun:

  59. #59 |  Cynical in New York | 

    Anyone else want to vomit after seeing this?

  60. #60 |  R. Zimmerman | 

    ….and the riot squad, they’re restless
    they need some place to go
    as Lady and I look out tonight
    on Desolation Row

    also, it seriously looks like they have been forcefed, Seven-style.
    I can almost imagine it… the sarge keeps feeding ’em and feeding ’em, and if they spit it out, he forces it back into their mouths and screams “stop resisting, stop resisting, stop resisting”

  61. #61 |  John C. Randolph | 

    It’s time to quit letting Barney Fife play soldier. End the drug war. Ron Paul 2012.


  62. #62 |  el coronado | 

    I *CANNOT* believe they couldn’t find a way to work “My Honor is Loyalty” into that poster. Lazy bastards.

  63. #63 |  Thebrokedown | 

    I have seen an (unsanctioned, but still…) T-shirt worn by cops in Hattiesburg MS that had a picture of police in riot gear with the words “we don’t do drive-bys” on the front, and a picture of a shot-up house with the words,”We stop” on the back. Yuck.

  64. #64 |  brainiac-dumdum | 


  65. #65 |  Kristen | 

    They all look like Sgt Schultz.

  66. #66 |  marco73 | 

    Love the couple guys with sunglasses on and the Ron Burgundy porn star mustache. Stay classy, Kansas.

  67. #67 |  Goober | 

    8th grader killed by police in Texas had a pellet gun:

    Take a look at the picture. If I was up against the kid and he pulled that on me, I think I’d probably be duped, too. Looks pretty damned real, leading me to believe that I would have likely considered it a “him or me” situation and done exactly what the police did.

    This is a crappy situation and no one wins, but at least from what I’ve seen so far, you can’t really blame the cops for shooting him. Given the information I have to date, I would have.

    Believe me, I’m first in line to hold the police accountable when they screw up, but it isn’t the case here.

  68. #68 |  croaker | 

    Hey, Matt. Dropbox decided to suck up to the pigs and deleted your picture.

  69. #69 |  J Hall | 

    LOL….lookit them!!
    They look like they couldn’t pass muster for the sorriest National Guard unit in America!!!!

    “I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: “O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.” And God granted it.”
    -Voltaire [Fran├žois Marie Arouet] (1694-1778)

  70. #70 |  Don | 

    Blimp pussy’s.

  71. #71 |  JSL | 

    (Dunkin Donuts) Cruller Response Team: Barton County

    They take their pastry seriously.