Life, Satire Finally Merge

Thursday, September 29th, 2011

The Onion publishes a story, promotional Tweets about Congressmen taking children hostage, Sen. Chuck Schumer pistol-whipping a school chaperone.

U.S. Capitol Police announce that they are “currently investigating the reporting.”.

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29 Responses to “Life, Satire Finally Merge”

  1. #1 |  Dave Krueger | 

    Don’t be silly. What they’re doing has nothing to do with investigation. The Capitol Police have just switched into their retaliation and intimidation mode.

  2. #2 |  Dave Krueger | 

    The Capitol Police are just protecting Congress from those who might wish to harm them, which is no small task given that pretty much everyone in the country holds that sentiment at the moment.

  3. #3 |  C. S. P. Schofield | 

    I am reminded of a line from Blackadder Goes Forth; “Sadly the German Army has not yet added to its entrance requirements ‘must have intellectual capacity of a boiled potato’.”

    I think the Capitol Police have. you can easily see why; anybody with any residual smarts who has to deal with some of the swine (both parties) currently infesting the Capitol building is going to either go postal or commit seppuku.

  4. #4 |  Brian | 

    Explaining a joke ruins the humor. Corollary: Demands that you explain a joke mean you’ve hit your target.

  5. #5 |  MH | 

    Or perhaps the Capitol Police understand that, these days, satire soon becomes reality, and are being proactive. Or maybe not.

  6. #6 |  Bob | 

    Yeah, this is great laughs until they get someone to confess. i bet they’re interrogating local black men … er… ‘suspects’ right now.

  7. #7 |  Chris in AL | 

    I hope the management team at the Onion make public any questions/comments/threats directed their way by government/law enforcement over this.

  8. #8 |  Boyd Durkin | 

    Capital Police are pissed….because “You can’t pepper-spray the Internet!” TM*

    *Hell yes I trademarked that saying.

  9. #9 |  JdL | 

    This is fantastic! They’ve got idiots, lead by “KellRawLive” wetting their pants in the comments section of the WaPo. Reminds me of the joke:

    Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: That’s not funny.

  10. #10 |  Mattocracy | 

    Soon satire will be illegal. For the children you see.

  11. #11 |  Mattocracy | 

    Some congress buttfucker is going to demand legislation to censor any speech the depicts congress as terrorists. Will it be…

    A. Chuck Schumer

    B. Diane Fienstein

    C. The last Kennedy who isn’t dead yet

  12. #12 |  Dante | 

    Boyd wrote:
    “Capital Police are pissed….because “You can’t pepper-spray the Internet!” TM*

    *Hell yes I trademarked that saying.”

    Awesome. How much for a bumper sticker, Boyd?

    I’m serious!

  13. #13 |  nrasmuss13 | 

    Actually, I must confess that I almost wish that Congress *would* kidnap some kids or pistol-whip the elderly. Then maybe we could get some of the s-o-bs voted out — think of the children!

  14. #14 |  Anthony | 

    Agitator commenter bumper stickers? I’m in

  15. #15 |  Carl-Bear | 

    I’ve been feeling sorry for The Onion for several years, ever since reality jumped The Onion’s shark- They ran a piece about the Russian government announcing that the old Soviet nuclear warheads were pretty much mostly accounted for, more or less. I read some “real” reports of the actual Russki announcement and could tell them from the supposed satire only by the masthead.

  16. #16 |  Adam | 

    And just yesterday, al-Qaeda denounced 9/11 conspiracy theories as ridiculous. A couple of short years after The Onion ran a video in which al Qaeda denounces 9/11 conspiracy theories as ridiculous.

    But in real life, it wasn’t live on an interview program, so it’s totally different.

  17. #17 |  paranoiastrksdp | 

    Boyd Durkin:
    alt+0153 (numpad) = ™
    You’re welcome. :)

  18. #18 |  paranoiastrksdp | 

    It doesn’t count if you don’t use the ascii character.

  19. #19 |  SamK | 

    …takes a hell of a lot of balls to pistol-whip a fourth grader.

  20. #20 |  Jeremy | 

    Michelle Malkin’s already whining about it (because you know, The Onion has never made fun of Democrats and liberals before).
    http://michellemalkin.com/2011/09/29/not-funny-the-onion-spreads-fake-report-on-capitol-hostage-taking-children-at-gunpoint/

  21. #21 |  Jeremy | 

    In fact, that Onion piece also *did* make fun of Democrats (i.e. Harry Reid).

  22. #22 |  Mattocracy | 

    Remember the Aqua Teen Hunger Force scare in Boston? Some people when they act stupid will not admit it. They’ll throw a temper tantrum and scream that everyone else is wrong when they clearly made an ass out of themselves.

    Prime example, Michelle Malkin.

  23. #23 |  Judas Peckerwood | 

    I just pepper-sprayed the Internet –– did anyone feel it?

  24. #24 |  Ted S. | 

    paranoiastrksdp wrote:

    It doesn’t count if you don’t use the ascii character.

    I’m sorry, but ASCII is only a seven-bit encoding scheme. Characters beyond U+0128 such as the ™ character aren’t in ASCII. :-p

  25. #25 |  newsouthzach | 

    WTF? The Onion is paywalled now?

  26. #26 |  Kevin Carson | 

    Boyd: Your saying is now available for free download on a torrent site. You can’t DMCA the Internet.

  27. #27 |  Donald | 

    “Maybe if some of these humorists had relatives who worked in the Capitol they would have thought twice.”-Like anyone with a sense of humor would have relatives working at the capital. Maybe an uncle that touched you when you were 5, but no cool relatives.

  28. #28 |  Collin | 

    I guess the various reactions show what would have happened has Well’s done War of the Worlds in the age of the internet. Scary and sad.

  29. #29 |  C. S. P. Schofield | 

    This just out; The Onion sues reality for plagiarism.

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