I Get Email

Wednesday, August 10th, 2011

Bill doesn’t waste words:

I gave up after reading one page of your prose.Please find another profession.



Anyone have any ideas? It’s probably too late for my childhood dream of playing in the NBA.

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38 Responses to “I Get Email”

  1. #1 |  Chris A. | 

    I hear bite mark analysis can be lucrative…

  2. #2 |  Mister DNA | 

    I think you should start a hair band. The irony would be delicious.

  3. #3 |  Difster | 

    I think you’re doing fine, Bill certainly does seem agitated; it’s a job well done.

  4. #4 |  Milano | 

    He said he didn’t care for your prose, but this seems to imply that he likes your poetry. Have you been holding out on us, Mr. Balko?

  5. #5 |  Ed Kline | 

    Considering that Bill doesnt seem to value content, perhaps he can content himself by reading old Norman Mailer op-eds.

  6. #6 |  ClubMedSux | 

    There’s always barber college.

  7. #7 |  primus | 

    I suggest ballet. Tights, slippers and a loose, blousey top with puffy sleeves, topped by an elaborate chapeau with a peacock feather. Please make this image in my brain go away.

  8. #8 |  ktc2 | 

    Congressman or maybe porn star . . .

  9. #9 |  C. S. P. Schofield | 

    Relax. If you weren’t irritating anybody, THAT would be cause for concern.

  10. #10 |  Mike | 

    #8, porn stars are more honest than Congressmen, they freely admit they are screwing people for money.

    How about swat team / dog trainer?

  11. #11 |  JS | 

    You could be a lion tamer! That would be awesome and more people would read your blog if you included pictures.

  12. #12 |  Bill | 

    For the record, that wasn’t from this Bill.

  13. #13 |  JS | 

    Plus you would look amazing in a lion tamer hat.

  14. #14 |  Bronwyn | 

    You could open a lemonade stand!

  15. #15 |  Gordon | 

    A [b][i]lumberjack[/i][/b]!


  16. #16 |  Gordon | 

    Oh, FFS… BB code fail…

  17. #17 |  Gordon | 

    #11 | JS | August 10th, 2011 at 8:51 am
    You could be a lion tamer! That would be awesome and more people would read your blog if you included pictures.


  18. #18 |  JS | 

    Gordon, lol brilliant!

  19. #19 |  Fill | 

    Don’t mistake brevity for lack of vocabulary.

  20. #20 |  Jeremy | 


  21. #21 |  H. Rearden | 

    He said he didn’t care for your prose, but this seems to imply that he likes your poetry.

    Please feel free to plagiarize the following. Perhaps Bill will find it more to his refined tastes in the written word.

    Meet Michael West of Mississippi
    He could match bite marks to teeth, infamously.
    But his bluff has been called,
    Yet the DA’s still enthralled
    And people languish in jail, innocently.

  22. #22 |  wayne | 

    Maybe you should add more pictures for the people who can’t read above grade 2 levels?

  23. #23 |  SJE | 

    I dream of a world where people dont have to read things they don’t like…oh, really, we don’t HAVE to read things we don’t like….better tell Bill.

  24. #24 |  SJE | 

    Ooh, a poetry slam….

    Steven Hayne runs an autopsy shop
    processing body part all day non-stop
    he’ll do any deed
    prosecutors need
    coz he always finds for the cops

    Michael West can tell from a bite
    if a perp is black or white
    their SAT score
    height, address, and what’s more
    he is 100% right.

  25. #25 |  Sean L. | 

    Bill: I gave up after seeing you improperly space your sentences.

  26. #26 |  DoubleU | 

    I suggest finding out what Bill does for a living, and becoming his co-worker.

    Some people say I am mean like that.

  27. #27 |  SJE | 

    I love professional courtesy
    One law for you, one law for me
    and if my crimes arent erased
    no justice is faced
    since there’s qualified immunity

  28. #28 |  SJE | 

    The nonlethal taser
    it never kills.
    He had a bad heart,
    she too many pills,
    he was psychotic,
    she was already ill.
    So don’t be neurotic,
    coz it never kills

  29. #29 |  SJE | 

    OK, I really have to get back to my job….

  30. #30 |  Thom | 

    The police are always recruiting…

  31. #31 |  WWJGD | 

    There once was a puppy named Byron
    He trots through the house at the sound of a siren
    The door flew apart
    26 rounds through his heart
    “You all saw it, he had a gun”

    Too morbid?

  32. #32 |  Marty | 

    get some mirrored sunglasses and be a cop.

  33. #33 |  JS | 

    Damn SJE! You’re on fire today!

  34. #34 |  Serpentio | 

    How ’bout work as a yodeling cowboy?

  35. #35 |  Maggie McNeill | 

    There’s a certain benighted minority in the modern world who actually seems to believe that any writing more elaborate than simple declarative sentences is “wrong”; compound, complex and compound-complex sentences are beyond their comprehension and so, taking Hemingway as their patron saint, they pretend that a more eloquent style is actually incorrect rather than simply not to their taste.

    Personally, I consider the preference for Dick-and-Jane prose to be incomprehensible, but I must admit my absolute favorite of all the criticisms directed against my writing so far was, “She definitely won’t use two words where six will do.”

  36. #36 |  Justthisguy | 

    I loves me some prolixity in my prose. Words R Purty, and the more, the better. I betcha that guy doesn’t like what Dr. Maturin has to say, either.

  37. #37 |  Judi | 

    Maybe you should just run for Governor of Mississippi.

  38. #38 |  Eric | 

    someone needs to compose these poems in a book! I’d buy it!