Dildos for Justice

Monday, July 18th, 2011

I’m currently working on a story about a pot raid in which the cops emptied a woman’s “lady drawer” onto her bed, lined up her sex toys, took a photo, then mocked her for what they found. That’s only a small part of the story. But it’s a weird part.

As it turns out, there’s also a Facebook group dedicated to cops’ fascination with the sex toys they find on drug raids.

When Oakland County Narcotics Enforcement Team raided several businesses and homes in August they confiscated guns, cash, a computer, business records from the safe and filing cabinet, and at least one vibrating dildo out of the one of the victims bedrooms.

Cannabis Attorney Matt Abel relayed a similar situation with one of his clients, victims of a drug raid who had personal items taken by the SWAT team. Matt’s take on it is that the Narcotics Officers hope the victims won’t go to trial for fear their highly private devises will be publicly displayed.

“What do they think?” he asks, “that the vibrators were used in a crime? Used to transport drugs? Bought with drug money?’

Well folks, I figure it’s likely that those fellas at Oakland County Narcotics Enforcement just need a little more love in their life. Perhaps a cup of hot tea, a good friend that listens unconditionally, and more dildos might assist in elevating their compassion level.

That’s why we’re starting the Dildos For Justice Campaign.

Also, an oldie but goodie:

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38 Responses to “Dildos for Justice”

  1. #1 |  Jerome | 

    A friend of mine in MN had a search warrant executed about 15 years ago, the cops spread out his adult VHS tape collection on his dining room table like it was some sort of display. I’m totally convinced it’s simply an effort to induce embarrassment.

  2. #2 |  Marty | 

    I never dreamed I’d be able to say I was a proud member of ‘Dildos for Justice’.

  3. #3 |  Difster | 

    I’ve seen that video before, it’s awesome.

    Also, I think people are far less embarrassed about having “toys” these days.

    Let’s get the Dildo’s For Justice Campaign started! And the cops should have to personally test each confiscated dildo.

  4. #4 |  Leah | 

    Well, crap.

  5. #5 |  Mario | 

    I’ll tell you where I would like to see those SWAT teams store the dildos.

  6. #6 |  omar | 

    Sad line from the DfJ campaign website:

    And if you or anyone you know has had sexual devices photographs or videos taken by SWAT, please send us a message.

    Sad because the word “SWAT” has become interchangeable with “police”. We are conditioned to assume any search operation is a SWAT job.

  7. #7 |  PermaLurker | 

    Please Mario, I know if, heaven forfend, a SWAT team confiscated my prized collection I would NOT want them stored there. Even if I got them back, they would have to be burned. No amount of disinfectant could ever make them useable again.

  8. #8 |  David | 

    That could drive an entrepreneur like me out of business.

    If these poor people want replacements they can come to my site. Libertarian owwned and operated.!

  9. #9 |  xenia onatopp | 

    Oakland, huh? Back in the early days of TSA nonsense, in 2003, I was randomly chosen for special handling at the Oakland airport; I still wonder how the agent who hand searched my checked bag liked the bright pink strap-on inside.

    Not to ruin a good story, but my transcontinental transport of sex toys was specifically meant to fuck with them in the unlikely case of such an eventuality.

  10. #10 |  maybelogics | 

    #8 Nice selection, David!

  11. #11 |  Chris in AL | 

    Unless you are accused of committing a crime with the sex toy, it would never be allowed to be admitted as evidence, right? I mean, you would think the guy in the evidence room would get tired of that shit.

    “Hey Officer Perv. Would you quit bringing me 10″ Multivibes as evidence of grand theft auto. I don’t want to have to log all this shit in. Just steal what you want like normal cops.”

  12. #12 |  Joe | 

    I wonder what we would find in those cops’ sex drawers? To keep the misses happy and perhaps to keep Officer Krumkie happy too?

  13. #13 |  JS | 

    There is also something that we often leave out when discussing these stories and that is the need to feel morally superior to their victims, especically if it turns out that their victims didn’t do anything illegal. It makes it easier to live with if you just ruined the life of some sexual pervert who of course is less than human like your good American self. I think it’s a conscience-like mechanism.

  14. #14 |  Windy | 

    The same thing happened to a neighbor of mine back in the 80s. Seems to be one of the things cops do to humiliate, embarrass and dishearten the people they bust, not as bad as shooting the family pets but still . . .

  15. #15 |  Hal_10000 | 

    I guess I should be surprised, but I’m not. They do this sex-shaming to prostitutes all the time.

    When I lived in Atlanta, the cops would regularly raid sex shops. At at time when Atlanta had the highest violent crime rate in the nation, it was nice to know that the APD was keeping our fragile southern women safe from the mortal peril of orgasms.

  16. #16 |  Dildos for Justice | 

    […] Militarization, Police Professionalism. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 […]

  17. #17 |  David | 

    Those statist lackeys are way too uptight. They need to buy something from me too relax !

    I’ll even waive the shipping charges !

  18. #18 |  johnl | 

    Maggie wrote about the cops facination with her condom collection when she was arrested. The story of her arrest is a good read anyway, so I’ll try to grab the link later.

  19. #19 |  Cyto | 

    #9 | xenia onatopp |

    I was thinking of the same thing. Back when they used to do secondary screening at the gate (shortly after 9/11) I witnessed a nice young lady headed for Las Vegas getting her bag hand-searched in front of the crowd boarding the flight. The security guys took out her sizable collection of sizable toys (the main feature can only be described as gigantic – and fluorescent pink), held them up for examination and then placed them on the table one-by-one.

    She seemed to be somewhere between fuming anger and moderate embarrassment. I figured she was headed out for work and didn’t want to check her bag, lest some of her work supplies fail to make it with her. I suppose she changed tactics after that day. I will say that it was a rather impressive collection. Her entire roll-on bag was almost entirely filled with toys and lingerie.

    I would have been more sympathetic to her cause, but the same security personnel were busy destroying an expensive telecommunications board that I was hand delivering to a satellite office – so I had my attention focused elsewhere.

  20. #20 |  David | 

    Cyto, did this incident occur in January ? The Adult Novelty Expo is held there every year in January. It had some new stuff to display. The woman may have been a vendor.

  21. #21 |  Dildos for Justice | 

    […] can leave a response, or trackback from your own […]

  22. #22 |  JS | 

    It’d be kind of cool if everyone would start carrying their dildos openly. Be proud sistas!

  23. #23 |  FTP | 

    I don’t really understand why the cops would mock a woman for having a dildo in her bedroom. I mean, she masturbates. We all do. Is this something a person should be ashamed or embarassed about?

    I think that in addition to JS’s obersvation about the need to feel morally superior to their victims, there’s an additional piece: a demonstration of their ability to unearth every last detail of your personal life, no matter how unrelated it might be to any crime you are charged with. I expect unprofessional conduct like this will result in swift and certain punishment for any officer who engages in it. Right? Right?

  24. #24 |  Maggie McNeill | 

    #18: “Maggie wrote about the cops facination with her condom collection when she was arrested. The story of her arrest is a good read anyway, so I’ll try to grab the link later.”

    Here you go: http://maggiemcneill.wordpress.com/2010/08/04/402/

    The cop obsession with dildos also extends to condoms; in most states a woman can be arrested for prostitution if she has more than x number of condoms in her purse (usually x=1 or 2), despite the fact that most multi-packs contain at least 3.

    In other cases cops seem to take sadistic glee in destroying condoms; the whore-turned-activist Gloria Lockett described two separate incidents in which cops searched her car, found boxes of condoms, and methodically punctured each one with knives before letting her go while laughing, “Let’s see you use those now!”

  25. #25 |  Justthisguy | 

    This is one of the many reasons why I don’t keep that kind of stuff around. Besides, if you have a working, literate brain, you can take advantage of asstr.org, which has all sorts of text porn, of every kind for every taste.

    C’mon guys, remember the “fuck books” of the fifties and sixties? That’s what you’ll find at asstr.org. Younger people who can’t read without moving their lips might prefer video porn.

  26. #26 |  Todd S. | 

    I think they must feel a kinship for the dildos. More than likely they feel like they are rescuing their own kind from a life of servitude.

  27. #27 |  M11111 | 

    Thank you JS comment #13.
    There is definately the aspect in these stories of the need of these people to feel morally superior to their victims. That disgusting sense of entitlement.

    After all, they are “heroes” and we are subversives that need to be oppressed. Right?

    And they do this “work” on the taxpayer dollar.

  28. #28 |  JS | 

    Thanks M11111. Yea it’s come to the point where it is dangerous. They are completely out of control and cut off from reality. They live in a bubble where everyone kisses their asses and tells them they are heros and they completely cut themselves off from all legitimate criticism. Like all megolamaniacs, they are headed for a really bad fall.

  29. #29 |  cop raids suck | 

    I guess if you have nothing, nothing can be taken from you, unless they want to kill you because they can’t take anything. Will it come to that?

  30. #30 |  TC | 

    OK yer gonna love this!


  31. #31 |  Jack Officer | 

    Eh heh heh heh…heh heh her


  32. #32 |  Dave | 

    President Michelle Bachman has signed a pledge to restore family values by banning pornography in the United States. She will, obliterate a 100 billion dollar a year industry centered in the U.S. with 15 billion a year in revenue generated solely inside our country! We will be proud to see the loss of over 1.4 million websites along with 600,000 jobs…we don’t need filthy jobs like that anyway! She will also restore marriage with a federal law banning gay marriage, eliminate all tax deductions for non-marrieds and see to it we get this country back on track before the End of Days. She was appointed by Jesus according to her own statements to save the debaucherous Americans from themselves and stop economic activity in its’ tracks, cause it is Satan’s will. Vote for the second coming.. Vote Bachman!

  33. #33 |  "Love in an Elevator," by Richard DOKKEN | Iced Borscht | 

    […] Dildos for Justice (theagitator.com) […]

  34. #34 |  Rick | 

    Yeah, illegalizing porn with work just about as well as illegalizing drugs has worked. The only thing that is going to make porn vanish from our culture, is for people to decide they don’t want it any longer. Otherwise, so long as there is a market for a product, there will be those who will profit from supplying it. Make it illegal, and you make it more profitable to supply.

    I’m a Christian, and I don’t support illegalizing everything considered immoral by Judeo-Christian standards. Moral change in society doesn’t happen by forcibly taking away vices from people. Moral change occurs from people deciding they want to change, and no one else can decide that for anyone. I also don’t support the idea of using humiliation to manipulate suspects in criminal cases. The law of this land is supposed to include the presumption of innocence, and the last I checked, owning a sex toy isn’t a crime in most places.

  35. #35 |  Smithe | 

    Sheriff Bouchard’s school officer Russell Sherman was asked about putting a DILDO in his mouth at a public bar and paying a stripper to ride his face, while all the cops cheered. (FROM THE MMMA SITE)

    I think I know why they take the dildo’s…..

    22 OAKLAND COUNTY DEPUTY RUSSELL SHERMAN: She put a blanket on the ground. She opened up her
    23 bags of sex toys and oils.
    24 ATTORNEY SHAWN CABOT: And what type of sex toys did she have in her bag?
    1 ATTORNEY SHAWN CABOT: Also known as a dildo; is that correct?
    3 ATTORNEY SHAWN CABOT: Okay. If I use that term, you’ll know what that means?
    4 OAKLAND COUNTY DEPUTY RUSSELL SHERMAN: If we can just use sex toy, that’s fine.
    5 ATTORNEY SHAWN CABOT: Okay. That’s fine.
    6 OAKLAND COUNTY DEPUTY RUSSELL SHERMAN: If you want me to use dildo, I can use dildo.
    7 ATTORNEY SHAWN CABOT: I’ll say replica penis. What else?

  36. #36 |  Smithe | 


    ATTORNEY CHRIS TRAINOR: (Continuing by MR. TRAINOR): If there was a stripper at the party of any age who received money from a hat that was passed around to ride a dildo in one of your deputy’s mouths, do you believe that that would be a violation of the criminal law?

    SHERIFF BOUCHARD: I mean, what do you mean by ride it? I don’t know what you are asking me.

    ATTORNEY CHRIS TRAINOR: (Continuing by MR. TRAINOR): Like go up and down on it, you know. Do you want me to be more graphic; is that what you are asking me?

    SHERIFF BOUCHARD: I don’t know whether, is it illegal for somebody to be
    paid to use a dildo; is it illegal? I don’t know what you are asking me.

    ATTORNEY CHRIS TRAINOR: In the back room, this is at the Elephant Bar.


    ATTORNEY CHRIS TRAINOR: I’m asking you, would you have wanted to know that this occurred in the back room of the Elephant Bar, without a license, without a liquor permit?

    SHERIFF BOUCHARD: You can’t get a license to ride a dildo; I don’t know what you are asking me.

  37. #37 |  New Toy | Iced Borscht | 

    […] Dildos for Justice (theagitator.com) […]

  38. #38 |  Steve Florman | 

    What is it with all the weirdos in Minnesota? Are we really that strange?