Wanted: “Temporary Weed Inspector”

Wednesday, April 27th, 2011

For you Agitatortots looking for employment:

$8.50-$11.00/hr Position available working 8am to 5pm, Monday-Friday, 40 hrs/wk for approximately 6 months enforcing the Citys Weed Ordinance. Will drive throughout the City checking for weed violations, verifying citizen complaints, using computer to conduct property searches for ownership and preparing documents for court actions and council billing. Able to deal courteously with the public. Requires use of personal vehicle for inspections (mileage to be reimbursed). Must have valid MO Drivers License + proof of liability coverage prior to hiring. Able to work in summer temps and around noxious plants and other fumes. Official City of Columbia application must be submitted to HR Dept. Open until filled.

Not to be confused with these Columbia, Missouri, weed inspectors.

(Thanks to Eapen Thampy for the tip.)

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17 Responses to “Wanted: “Temporary Weed Inspector””

  1. #1 |  Juice | 

    Able to deal courteously with the public.

    So it requires you to quit on the first day?

  2. #2 |  Highway | 

    Where are those anti-Wal-Mart clowns protesting that this job should pay 12.50 an hour?

  3. #3 |  Mike | 

    #2, this is totally different. Walmart provides a service, aka cheap goods, for people’s benefit. This position directs the wrath of the State at someone who has too many dandelions on their front lawn.

    In other words, it’s ok for this to pay low, as the product of this job is government interference in other people’s lives.

  4. #4 |  DarkEFang | 

    Oh, those kind of weeds. I thought Columbus, Ohio had legalized marijuana and I was somehow unaware of it.

  5. #5 |  perlhaqr | 

    I’m tempted to go get that job and then really suck at it.

    “You didn’t write any notices!”

    “I didn’t see any weeds.”

  6. #6 |  Robert | 

    I don’t think that your usual audience consists of busybody nanny types that would go for a job like this, but you never know…

    @ #5 perlhaqr: I’d be more tempted to write violations on the Mayors house, the Chief of Police, etc.

  7. #7 |  Aresen | 

    “Weed inspector, Ma’am. I need to check your weed.”

    *pufffffff* *mmmmpppffff*


    “Yeah, that’s really good shit, ma’am. Got any brownies?

    I can’t believe they’re payin’ me $10 an hour for this.”


  8. #8 |  Monica | 

    Just what qualifies as a weed? I had a friend who successfully challenged a “Notice to cut down weeds” because she had thistles growing in her garden. She explained that the thistles were left to grow there because they help clear the soil of any residue pesticides. One person’s weeds is another person’s planting arrangement.

  9. #9 |  Dave Krueger | 

    Not everyone can be a Walmart Greeter.

  10. #10 |  Marty | 

    the idiot that used to have the job is probably the person who called in about the ‘marijuana’ growing operation that ended up being tomatoes.

  11. #11 |  Andrew S. | 

    This is the most blatant false advertising since I went shopping at Stoner’s Pot Palace.

  12. #12 |  Greg C. | 

    I don’t think we need those employees where I live. The friendly neighborhood “block watch” takes care of reporting you. I got a notice in my mailbox last year that they were watching me and they were going to report me to the city because of my tall “weeds.” Personally, I dislike uniform fertilized lawns. I have a lot of different plants and I don’t want to use certain chemicals or pay one of those companies to treat my grass.

    I got another pamphlet from my friendly neighbors asking me to join their organization. It explained what they do, including assigning “block captains” to spy on new neighbors to make sure they are the “right” kind of people and impress upon them the expectations they should meet to fit into the community.

  13. #13 |  kant | 

    [blockquote]Able to work in summer temps and around [b]noxious plants and other fumes.[/b][/blockquote]

    noxious plants and fumes? seriously? Would I be allowed to wear a hazmat suit?

  14. #14 |  Not Sure | 

    ” I got a notice in my mailbox last year…”

    I did, too.

    Which was odd, because, in order to know my weeds were 11″ high instead of the legal 10″, *somebody* must have been at my house to see them, begging the question: “Why not just leave a note on my door?”

    I mean, if Dominos can do it (leave tags on doorknobs), why can’t the city? Postage isn’t free, you know.

  15. #15 |  OBTC | 

    $8.50-$11.00/hr – What kind of experience do you have to have to qualify for the $11/hr – a college degree combined with verifiable snitch experience??

    My best friend lives in MO and needs a job – but I don’t want her to become an asshole so I won’t be mentioning it to her.

  16. #16 |  Nick | 

    Want to hear the dumbest argument against legalization I’ve heard? It goes like this: we shouldn’t legalize because it will “destabilize” society.

    The person who told me this even admits the drug war failed.

  17. #17 |  Chris Rock | 

    He got weed!

    He got weed!