TheAgitator.com
Sad Fact of the Day
Monday, August 30th, 2010From Paul Bloom’s terrific new book How Pleasure Works:
While people sometimes describe sex as their most pleasurable act, time-management studies find that the average American adult devotes just four minutes per day to sex—almost exactly the same time spent filling out tax forms for the government.
Some of us have kids. And dealing with them and everything else results in sleep deprevation.
Sleep becomes more fun than sex. But occasionally you do catch up.
Either way, you’re getting screwed.
Well, those people doing time management studies can get their jollies any way they like, but I’ll keep to more traditional methods.
This. Especially when they’re little (how on EARTH do people have kids less than a couple of years apart?)
Andrew S, it is a mystery! Although we did space them reasonably apart.
My wife breast fed ours too. Talk about turning down the libido for her (there are homones released specifically to make the women less receptive to sex and reproduction). That is natural birth control.
I can see how formula became popular.
Formula also became popular so mothers can go back to work, to make money, to pay all those taxes.
If people enjoy sex so much, why’s the F word an obscenity?
My wife breast fed ours too. Talk about turning down the libido for her (there are homones released specifically to make the women less receptive to sex and reproduction).
Hmm… I’d be curious to see the science behind that. My wife has breastfed all three of our kids (and is still doing so; our youngest is just five weeks old) and there has been no drop in libido whatsoever. I’m certainly not going to speak for any individual because we all have unique circumstances, but generally speaking I throw the whole “parents are too busy to have sex” argument in the same category as “parents are too busy to go out” and “parents are too busy to have hobbies.” It’s all a matter of priorities. If sex isn’t a big priority, then yeah, it can easily get lost once you have kids. But if you make it a priority, you can still have a very rewarding sex life. And as far as I’m concerned, what better thing to make a priority than sex?
Four minutes of sex a day? I can sometimes stretch it out that long.
Dave K,
Exactly. Twice a day is awesome!
Doing a quick search within the book I was disappointed to see the word neuron referenced only twice, and both times as a journal name. Radley, is there a lot of brain talk in this book? Maybe amazon only searches refs and the sample chapter?
I don’t daydream about tax forms.
boobies!
If people enjoy sex so much, why’s the F word an obscenity?
We can rain bombs down on women and children but cannot write fuck on the airplane because it is vulgar.
I don’t know why that popped into my mind. It just did.
And 4 minutes of sex per day means you spend 24 hours per year having sex. The best day of the year.
Four minutes? My wife would probably agree with two.
I am married with kids, but that hasn’t stopped me from having sex with myself daily. 4 minutes? Lock the door and pretend I’m taking a long shower.
I’ve known for years that I wasn’t normal… 4 minutes??? No way!
4 minutes per participant maybe……
I know a lot of people who day dream about refunds!
If you actually know how much time per day you are having sex, you probably aren’t having enough.
Ahhhhh, no. I do not doubt your experience with your wife (that is very very good for you two and I feel glad for you), but trust me my wife was not interested. And no, it was not about failure of making sex a priority or hobbies or any such nonsense. Nor was it was it me turning her off (although I am certainly capable of that), because when she stopped breastfeeding her libidio came back stronger than ever. Which was awesome. And is still awesome. But there was definitely something about breastfeeding that made her very much not into sex. The cause and effect was apparent.
And I have heard similar stories from other guys and their wives, so I know my experience is not an isolated one.
That means on average we’re all getting f–ked twice for eight minutes total.
Hey Joe-
Didn’t mean to suggest you personally weren’t making sex a priority (hence my disclaimer about everybody’s situation being different). I guess I was trying to make two different points that kind of blended into one. First, while some women find their libido decreases when breastfeeding, not all women have the same hormonal response. More info here: http://www.babycenter.com/404_will-breastfeeding-interfere-with-my-sex-drive_11809.bc I just want to be clear on that so that fathers-to-be don’t get too freaked out about breastfeeding.
I stand by my second point that (temporary hormone changes aside) having kids doesn’t mean you have to give up your sex life. Sounds like you and your wife would agree at this point! Sorry again if it sounded like I was questioning you and/or your wife… I just get tired of parents who use having kids as an excuse to stop doing things, including having sex, and thought I would reassure young couples out there that becoming a parent doesn’t mean giving up all the fun things in life (even if you have to cut down on certain activities at certain times).
Thank something/someone/nothing for mistresses/gigolos and the invention of lying.
4 minutes *every day*??
Yeah, right!
This is easily explained: diminishing marginal utility. Utility from a single sex act per week can be very high, and yet the utility from additional acts very low. If people had sex more often, their reported average satisfaction per act might be lower. Or, to put it another way, the fact that reported satisfaction from sex is high is a *result* of how rarely they have it.
Also, there are constraints. Lots of people who might prefer to have more sex lack a willing partner. If these people are included in the sample, naturally that would bring down the average time spent having sex.
Only an economist could make sex sound boring.
ClubMedSux, Thanks. I do not want to be down on breast feeding either. I think it is better for the kids. So I support it. But a father has to be prepared for the worse in such circumstances and be understanding about it (and it if tuns out not to be bad–awesome).
I will say this, when libido temporarily diminishes, it seems to come back twice as strong later on.
Hmmm…if war is the health of The State why do I feel so impotent…dribble…sigh…
That is sad. Maybe people should hone their skills so that sex is something they look forward to.
After ten years of marriage, I enjoy sex more than anything else. It is a place where we connect physically and emotionally. It is our universe that we control. Sometimes our universe exists for only fifteen minutes but we make the most of it.
We are extremely happy.
I’ve left my fiftieth birthday behind me and a huge chunk of my libido, it seems.
I’m in trouble with Mrs. Stick at the moment as, apparently, I ‘Don’t love her anymore’ because I’m not banging her enough. I can’t work it out.
They’re allowed to be ‘too tired’ or ‘have a headache’, but as soon as you knock them back you don’t love them anymore.
I am a 58 year old with a 67 year old lady lover. How many times does 58 go into 67? About 3 times a week, each episode over a half hour. Means that we are helping bring up the average you young’uns set.
[quote]If you actually know how much time per day you are having sex, you probably aren’t having enough.[/quote]
That would explain my well-maintained time usage spreadsheet… There’s zero actual sex on there, but 23 minutes/day of masturbation — it often seems to me I made the better life choice, with more consistent pleasure and no need to synchronize or negotiate.
Four minutes? In the actual act, perhaps. 2-9 minutes is the range I see in literature.
However, if you believe that’s the only part that counts, I pity your partner(s).
#30 My suggestion would be to get a vibrator. And use it on her.
Perhaps, the study sited by Mr. Bloom oversampled married couples.