Let’s Hope He Doesn’t See the Spotted Dick

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

Cullman, Alabama:

A local pastor’s complaint about a brand of underwear being sold with “pornographic” pictures on the packaging at the Cullman Walmart reportedly led to a recall of the product.

Frank Boren, pastor of New Hope Christian Center Church of God in the Springhill community, said he noticed the questionable underwear package while shopping at the store in May.

“I was in there shopping for some underwear one day, and looked at the men’s pictures on the packaging,” he said. “On a few of the packages they were very pornographic in the way they were dressed, in skimpy underwear, so I went to the manager and asked her if she thought it was inappropriate to be displayed.”

After filing a few more complaints in the following weeks, Boren said the questionable packaging eventually disappeared from the store’s shelves.

Full story here.

Thanks to Thomas Pearson for the link.

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43 Responses to “Let’s Hope He Doesn’t See the Spotted Dick”

  1. #1 |  B | 

    Methinks he doth protest too much.

  2. #2 |  Nando | 

    Wait, he was upset that a package of underwear had a picture of a man *gasp* wearing underwear?

  3. #3 |  tariqata | 

    Let me just say that the google ads that show up on this post are hilarious.

    And, presumably, pornographic.

  4. #4 |  David | 

    Nando: Yes. Yes he was.

    I hate humanity, as well as whatever this guy is.

  5. #5 |  Bob | 

    Well, if he would stick to ladies underwear, then he wouldn’t be sexually aroused by the images of scantily clad men on the packages.

    That, or he should just get out of the closet.

  6. #6 |  flukebucket | 

    I’ll bet this guy owns a couple of wetsuits and a dildo.

  7. #7 |  Ben | 

    @tariqata – heheheheh the first two google ads I see:

    Become a Pastor

    Mens Mesh Thongs

  8. #8 |  Big_Texan | 

    Save one, every small town pastor I’ve ever met were douchebags of the highest calibur, thought they had the single greatest interpretation of what the Bible said, thought they knew exactly what the will of God was for everyone, and would have been classified as cultist in a lot of other countries. So yeah, the only surprise is that he wasn’t more douchebaggy about it.

  9. #9 |  flukebucket | 

    He will have our ass if he comes here and clicks on the NextTag ad

  10. #10 |  Kicol | 

    So, the problem is….

    A private citizen complains to a private company. The private company then removes a product from their shelves.

    Most of the comments here just seem bigoted because the private citizen was a pastor.

  11. #11 |  Skyler Collins | 

    At least he didn’t protest government to get it removed. He used peaceful and voluntary means. He should be commended for that, don’t you think Mr. Balko?

  12. #12 |  Rhayader | 

    Being a pastor, this guy is obviously way too familiar with hardcore barely legal gonzo porn to make this mistake. Clearly this is nothing but grandstanding.

  13. #13 |  dave smith | 

    Has anyone found a picture of the package (ahem) he protested?

  14. #14 |  overgoverned | 

    “Well, now, look — ah took that there dirty package to the bathroom and covered it with my man batter to, uh, obscure the filthy image. To protect the children!”

    Best part at the linked story is that he called the effing sheriff to report the underwear package. How many sheriffs regret winning their election?

  15. #15 |  Mattocracy | 

    The fact that any company would bend to the will of this asshole is what angers me the most. Wal Mart should have told this guy to fuck off instead of removing product.

  16. #16 |  Maria | 

    Yup. The fact that people are willing to bend to the whims of these idiots is, well, idiotic. Just once I’d like to read a story that goes.

    – Person gets into a huff over a ridiculous bit of reality they don’t like.
    – People ignore the delicate little flower and tell it to “piss off, the adults are busy living”.

    Maybe it already happens so often it isn’t news!
    I still, occasionally, have mild spasms of hope that the stories like about this pastor are aberrations.
    Reading the news kills that bit of hopeyness right quick.

  17. #17 |  JS | 

    He’s right about there being too many dicks in Walmart.

  18. #18 |  Comrade Dread | 

    Seriously, stop pandering to loud, stupid people, America. You’re pissing me off.

  19. #19 |  Cornellian | 

    God forbid that people might actually be able to see what they are buying before they buy it.

  20. #20 |  Dave Krueger | 

    Boren said he wanted to thank Valentine and Cullman County Sheriff Tyler Roden for their assistance in the matter.

    The guy called the sheriff? You know, if stores had that old time power of banning people from their stores for life, these morons might think twice before pulling shit like this. Unfortunately, banning someone like this would probably be considered discrimination against retarded people and, before you know it, there would be a class action suit against Walmart on behalf of almost everyone who lives in the South.

  21. #21 |  Cornellian | 

    A brilliant commenter on the story’s website points out that if a package of underwear is porn, then a box of Pampers must be . . .

  22. #22 |  Dave Krueger | 

    Sheesh! I just realized there is a Re-elect Tyler Roden Sheriff ad on the same page as that article.

  23. #23 |  overgoverned | 

    “A brilliant commenter on the story’s website points out that if a package of underwear is porn, then a box of Pampers must be…”

    I’m writing a letter to my local Wal-Mart to demand that they stop selling milk. “Ya’all know that this stuff came out of a big swollen cow titty? Some folks I know could get aroused by just the thought.”

  24. #24 |  Bart | 

    I really think Radley posted this simply for the easy joke and there was no other point to be made with it.

    Hate to be the spoiler, but the guy has the perfect right to complain and Wal-Mart has every right to pull the product.

    The fact that he called the cops is disturbing, but it looks like in this situation the cops didn’t screw it up and let the private company Wal-Mart handle the matter.

    Unless this story escalates, it really is nothing more than a busybody using his full rights to be one.

  25. #25 |  David | 

    And we’re using our full rights to mock both him and Wal-Mart for the asses they made of themselves. What’s the problem?

  26. #26 |  Jack | 

    Life in a small town where brothers and sisters intermarry and reproduce….

    I hear a banjo in the distance….

  27. #27 |  Tyler | 

    Really enjoying the google ad that accompanies this story in my feed reader. The good reverend would be horrified.

  28. #28 |  ZappaCrappa | 

    I consider the glorifying of violence and torture to be obscene. I request that depictions of the crucifixion be immediately removed from places where impressionable children might be traumatized by depictions of such obscene acts.

    But seriously. All the probelms in the world and THIS is your crusade huh…well praise god….yawn.

  29. #29 |  Ray | 

    Much ado about nothing.

    As long as no one is trying to pass laws about it.

    Otherwise this is just what’s supposed to happen. A profit earning company received a complaint from a customer, and apparently they were persuaded by enough other complaints to do the math and consider it prudent to do away with the packaging.

    As for the complainer, I don’t think I would personally like the guy very much, but that’s another matter. The wise thing to do from a Christian standpoint, in my opinion, would be to pick the battles a little more carefully so as not to look like a nut to so many people.

  30. #30 |  Rick H. | 

    Kicol, Bart, Ray: I don’t see what’s wrong with mocking bad behavior. Bullies, blowhards, criminals, creeps, busybodies and prudes make life more difficult for everyone else, in ways large and small. They can rationalize it, but I don’t have to.

    It’s not always about the government. Sometimes people are just assholes.

  31. #31 |  hamburglar007 | 

    The good pastor got nervous cause he felt it move when he saw the picture on the box.

  32. #32 |  lunchstealer | 

    Flukebucket – +1 on the wetsuit/sex toys thing. Reminds me of the following (SFW) http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/1998-12-28/index.html

  33. #33 |  Roark | 

    Hey, if you don’t want your kids exposed to some dude’s bulging package, get the fuck out of the Walmart!

  34. #34 |  Charlie O | 

    #30 Rick H.

    It’s early, but I can already tell. Best comment of the day. Cheers.

  35. #35 |  Bart | 

    #25 David and #30 Rick H.

    I don’t believe I said mocking this guy was wrong. The commenters here can make as many jokes at this guy’s expense as their heart desires. Have at it as long as Radley allows it.

    Continue to delight in your “bulging man package” and dildo jokes. Just know the louder you mock this guy – implying his actions reveal his suppressed homosexuality – the more your actions reveal yours.

  36. #36 |  JB | 

    Hey #20 and #26 way to sound like elitist urbanite pricks.
    Fuck you from ATL GA!

  37. #37 |  Dave Krueger | 

    #36 JB

    Hey #20 and #26 way to sound like elitist urbanite pricks.
    Fuck you from ATL GA!

    And fuck you right back from Huntsville Alabama.

  38. #38 |  Pablo | 

    As a commenter to the original article said, what does he do in a men’s locker room–get offended? Aroused?

  39. #39 |  bob42 | 

    I suspect that “Pastor Porn” leads services in facilities obtained from Cullman Liquidation

    But at least he’s not one of those sissy Christians.

  40. #40 |  Justthisguy | 

    But Spotted Dick is _yummy_! They have it, canned, in the Britfood section at all of the local Publices.

  41. #41 |  bob42 | 

    Looking on the bright side, at least the sheriff had enough sense not to send out the SWAT team to conduct a pantie raid.

  42. #42 |  Frank | 

    I think we have a new square for “Walmart Bingo”: Pastor offended by underwear packaging.

  43. #43 |  Bart | 

    Only -8 for #35 (I felt sure I would get to negative double digits with that one.)