9 Responses to “The Latest Threat to Traditional Marriage”

1. #1 |  scottp |  June 5th, 2009 at 11:56 am

   Funny shit right there. Had me going for a second.

2. #2 |  thomasblair |  June 5th, 2009 at 11:57 am

   Goddamn, I love the Onion.

   Rarely is the line between art and life so blurry and amusing.

   The yardstick from Wal-Mart and the Minuteman cap are nice little nuggets of chuckle.

3. #3 |  Lori Wilson |  June 5th, 2009 at 1:13 pm

   Sorry it took so long to comment. I just spent 10 minutes cleaning hot chocolate off my monitor!

   I especially love the last part about the gay men killing straight women, assuming their identities and stealing their husbands! I guess that explains all of these “women” having face-lifts and boob jobs!

4. #4 |  Z |  June 5th, 2009 at 1:20 pm

   Of course we must define what a real penis and a real vagina is. The sanctity of marriage, our values and our traditions depend on the state defining and enforcing penile and vaginal guidelines for marital relations. Perhaps the Penis Acceptance Level (PAL) value chart will be of some assistance as will the Beneficial Engorgement And Vaginal Excitement Regimentation Schedule (BEAVERS).

   Now if you’ll excuse me it’s time for my pal to meet some beavers.

5. #5 |  JS |  June 5th, 2009 at 1:26 pm

   What we need is another large government agency to define and enforce what a penis is and what a vagina is.

6. #6 |  Mattocracy |  June 5th, 2009 at 2:38 pm

   The sad part about all this the fact that this probably will become a real issue in the very near future.

7. #7 |  Ben |  June 5th, 2009 at 4:24 pm

   Ditto on loving the Onion. The thing that I love about them, is that their stories are all that far into fiction. They have this innate ability to take our reality, stretch it just a tiny little smidge, and then throw it back at us to show us how freaking stupid we really are. I laugh, but it really depresses me too. There really are people that think this way, and their vote counts the same as mine. :sigh:

8. #8 |  Ben |  June 5th, 2009 at 4:25 pm

   “aren’t all that far” the above comment is supposed to say in the second sentence.

9. #9 |  cheapogroovo |  June 5th, 2009 at 5:39 pm

   Be careful; what you joke about could come true :-((

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