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Virginia’s Booze Laws
Monday, March 23rd, 2009Another terrific video by Caleb Brown and Austin Bragg.
16 Responses to “Virginia’s Booze Laws”
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In the spirit of JTP, I’m so horny for the IJ.
Cheers.
Well done. One small quibble: if vodka and solitaire is sad, I don’t want to be happy.
I’ll only be sad if the vodka is Grey Goose…
Funny, well-done, and timely- I was try to explain to my brother last night what the VA ABC laws were (all I could remember were the sangria and hopsicle issues, both of which have been overturned), will forward this to him.
Along with an updated copy of HappyHour.xls that includes NoVA. Power to the people!
So I guess a flaming Dr. Pepper is completely out of the question. Who then is at fault if I set my my shot ablaze and/or drop it into a glass of beer (that I ordered at the same time)? Not to mention the pathetic math skills involved in these laws.
The one reason NOT to cross a bridge is that you can *smoke* in some bars in Virginia.
I’m sure the state will take away that one last bit of competition soon enough.
You could just replace TN with VA in the video. Our alcohol laws are just as dumb. The last time I got into an argument about TN alcohol service laws was in a alcohol service class, TIPS certification required by TABC. There are so many misconceptions and misunderstanding of the law, bartenders rarely agree on what the law actually is.
Heh,
At least massachusetts is consistant. No Happy Hour for anybody. Back when I was in School I actually took a semester off for a job in VA, I was vaguely curious where I could buy a bottle of Tequila and never seemed to see any “Package Stores” just a lot of ABC stores which I assumed where some daycare or children’s store.
BTW “Package Store” is the traditional name for a Liquor store up here in Massachusetts. Our laws just as screwed up.
The one reason NOT to cross a bridge is that you can *smoke* in some bars in Virginia.
I’m sure the state will take away that one last bit of competition soon enough.
I guess you haven’t heard yet, the ban takes place Dec 1, 2009 (i’m not joking).
Texas isn’t much better. I don’t know all of the stupid laws, but I know some of them… and I’m drinking and tired of playing solitaire so I’ll share a story with you.
First of all, no liquor is to be sold on Sundays at all. Oh one could go to a bar and order whiskey, but all liquor stores (or “bottle shops” as we called them down under) are only open from 10am to 9pm M-S and closed on Sunday, including holidays. And if, for example, Christmas fell on a Sunday that year, then liquor stores would be required to close shop the following Monday. !?! Bullshit! My friend Jimbo owns a liquor store and he, and all of his customers, are forbidden by law to conduct business on Sunday. Bullshit!
Anyhoo… on to my story…
Alone I went into a local bar one day and happened to come at “happy hour”, which meant that “pitchers” of beer were half off. Great, I proclaimed.
“I’ll have one pitcher of beer, my good man.”
“Sorry, dude.” The barkeep frowns. “I’m forbidden by law to serve ‘pitchers’ to single patrons. If you had more than yerself with you, then I could serve it to you.”
“Bullshit!” I protested.
“Sorry, man. That’s the law. Something to do with MADD.” He reinforced.
In frustration, I started looking around for a “friend” so that I could then order the beer at the discounted rate. The only person there was a drunk old man sitting a few stools down.
“Excuse me, sir,” I leaned in, “would you mind if ‘we’ ordered a pitcher of beer… I’ll pay for it, you don’t have to drink any if you don’t want to, but I’ll gladly share it with you if you’d like.”
“No, no.” He slurred while spilling his gin. “I don’t want any beer.”
“No, you don’t understand…”
I tried my best to explain the situation to the drunken old man, but he was three sheets to the wind and quickly heading for the reef.
Well, … shit.
“Okay, barkeep. I’ll have a pint of your lager and a double scotch. Neat, if you please.”
Because that makes a lot of sense. I could get hammered on scotch by myself, no problem. But try and get beer at a discounted rate… clearly I’m a threat to society.
Oh, and the drunken old man… got into his van and drove off. Lucky for all of us that he had gin instead of pitchers of beer. Lest the roads be hazardous.
There, I feel better now.
/rant.
Cheers.
The only place I’ve seen where liquor laws weren’t completely assinine is Lousiana, and even then, they’re idiotic in their own way.
On the upside, you can get a fifth of hard liquor any time of the day or night, regardless of if it’s Sunday. You can also buy that bottle at just about any store, including the local gas station. When I was there, bars served until 4am, but I think that might have just been when they wanted to go home. I’m not sure that there was a legal cutoff — after all, you could just drive down to the store and get more. The drinking age was still 18 well into the 1990’s, and even when they changed it, they made it illegal for you to buy from 18-21, but it wasn’t illegal for anyone to sell it to you. So, it effectively didn’t change anything, since shopkeepers didn’t care if you got busted.
On the other hand, you could literally order one for the road … and take it with you. You could also drive up to a drive up bar, order a 64oz margarita in a styrofoam to-go cup, which would then be handed to you with a straw and piece of tape over the straw hole. Because, of course, you were going to wait until you got home to drink it.
Insanity. But I’m glad I grew up near the border so I could experience it.
At least in VA you can buy beer in a convenience store or a gas station (between 7 AM and 11 PM if I remember correctly).
Here in MA, you cannot buy any alcohol except at a “package store” which until only the last few years were closed on Sunday.
All that bloodshed 200 years ago to end up like this.
You could also drive up to a drive up bar, order a 64oz margarita in a styrofoam to-go cup, which would then be handed to you with a straw and piece of tape over the straw hole. Because, of course, you were going to wait until you got home to drink it.
Ha, ha… Classic Stephen Colbert… http://www.nofactzone.net/?p=4021
State legislatures are comprised of the dumbest people in the state. It’s a job qualification. Who, other than a complete moron, would even aspire to be a member of such an intellectually vacant organization?
I choose to believe the line in the movie, The Patriot, about “three thousand tyrants one mile away” refers to members of future state law-making bodies that I symbolically liken to a huge iron ball chained to the legs of mankind lest it advance out of the Dark Ages too quickly to suit its least common denominators.
As I understand it, there are no “bars” in Virginia, only restaurants licensed to sell alcohol. “Moe’s Bar” and a fine restaurant have the same type of license, and both must sell a certain percentage of food prepared on the premises (bar snacks don’t count).
One of my favorite Virginia quirks is the “Virginia Tuck”: it is illegal to carry a concealed handgun in any club or restaurant licensed by ABC to sell alcohol for consumption on the premises, whether or not the carrier is drinking.
Note that it is only illegal to carry a concealed handgun: open carry is perfectly legal. Thus the “Virginia Tuck” tucking your jacket or shirt behind the grip of your gun so that it is no longer concealed.
Oh, the insanity of state liquor laws…I wrote my undergraduate thesis about this in 2004, and I still think that my home state of Minnesota has some of the most ridiculous restrictions that exist anywhere on the planet:
1. Anything stronger that 3.2% ABV can be sold only in a liquor store, which cannot be open on Sunday and generally must close at 8 p.m. if they’re located in incorporated areas. Beer that is 3.2% or weaker can be sold in grocery and convenience stores after 8 p.m. or on Sundays, subject to local option, but cannot be sold before noon on Sunday.
2. Grocery and convenience stores may have a liquor department on their premises, but it is required to have a separate entrance from the rest of the store and is subject to the same opening hours as a freestanding liquor store.
3. Any place selling alcohol for consumption on or off the premises must open its liquor department to the public at all times. Thus, Sam’s Club must allow non-members inside solely for the purpose of purchasing 3.2% beer and bona fide private clubs like the American Legion must open their bars to the public at all times. (This is the opposite of states like West Virginia and Utah which require that alcohol be served only in private clubs).
4. No liquor establishment may legally serve any person not in physical possession of valid ID, irrespective of whether the person is obviously over 21 or not. I have seen people obviously in their 90s be refused service for not carrying a driver’s license.
And so on.