When Hairless Genitalia Is Banned, Only Criminals Will Have Hairless Genitalia

Friday, March 20th, 2009

The state of New Jersey wants to ban Brazilians. Not the people, but the style of bikini wax.

Spa owner Linda Orsuto, who owns 800 West Salon & Spa in Cherry Hill, estimates that most of 1,800 bikini waxes performed at her business last year were Brazilian-style.

“It’s huge,” she said, adding that her customers don’t think their bikini lines are anyone’s business but their own. “It’s just not right.”

She said many customers would likely travel across state lines to get it and some might even try to wax themselves.

Worse, when back-alley cosmetologists do get busted, the wax will probably test positive for marijuana.

Via the superbly-named blog, Popehat.

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40 Responses to “When Hairless Genitalia Is Banned, Only Criminals Will Have Hairless Genitalia”

  1. #1 |  Z | 

    And genital area waxing is the business of the NJ state government because……

  2. #2 |  claude | 

    I feel like getting waxed right now, just as a sign of rebellion.

  3. #3 |  claude | 

    BTW, new jersey is also a state where self service gasoline is illegal. Yep, you cant even pump your own gas in new jersey. Oregon does it too.

  4. #4 |  Chris in AL | 

    Incredible. So let’s see, in the land of the free the government controls, or wants to control…

    Whether you can touch your own hooha
    Who you can let touch your hooha
    Whether you can be with someone else who has a hooha
    Who you let see your hooha
    Whether you can take a picture of your hooha
    Whether other people can see the picture of your hooha
    and now, what hairstyle you can give your hooha.

    America, you embarrass me daily.

  5. #5 |  Jefferson | 

    I guess I’ll need to grow out my manzillian for this summer at the shore.

  6. #6 |  Blaze Miskulin | 

    A little speculative math:

    More than 70,510 beauticians, barbers, cosmetologisthairstylists,
    skin care specialists and manicurists are
    licensed by the Board. More than 9,237 shops, 702
    cosmetology- hairstyling teachers and 28 schools are also
    licensed by the Board.

    So.. let’s assume that half of those places do Brazillians. Let’s further assume that the “(most of) 1,800″ figure quoted in the article is rather high, and the actual average is around 1,000.

    That puts us up over 4.5 million Brazillians done last year. And.. *two* women reported problems?

    OMG! It’s a pandemic! Thank God there weren’t *three* injuries… then it would be a TREND!

  7. #7 |  solinox | 

    Seems like I find this one in a different place every time, but here is your unintended consequences if this silly ban gets passed. When will people learn that you can’t outlaw consentual behavior????

  8. #8 |  Z | 

    Hooha related laws should be limited to preventing people from touching, observing or selling photos and videos of your hooha without your sober and capable consent.

  9. #9 |  not telling | 

    When bald grows outlawed, only outlaws will grow balls.

  10. #10 |  Tim C | 

    Ha, the next site I visit after this one? More headline fun!

    http://www.motorsport.com/news/article.asp?ID=321308&FS=F1

  11. #11 |  Bronwyn | 

    Chris in AL,

    What about that guy who was taking pictures up ladies’ skirts… They decided that was ok, right?

    So the list should read:
    he government controls, or wants to control…

    Whether you can touch your own hooha
    Who you can let touch your hooha
    Whether you can be with someone else who has a hooha
    Who you let see your hooha
    Whether you can take a picture of your hooha

    Whether somebody else can take a picture of your hooha
    Whether other people can see any picture of your hooha
    and now, what hairstyle you can give your hooha.

    Which begs the question, if nobody is allowed to see my hooha or to touch my hooha, who cares what hairstyle my hooha has?

    … there’s a limerick in here somewhere…

  12. #12 |  Zeb | 

    hooha

  13. #13 |  Boyd Durkin | 

    I’ve seen some wooly slippers during my college days where I’m sure I muttered “…man, there oughta be a law…”

    Does this mean there will soon be a job opening for the NJ Bush Inspector General?

    SNL changed the NJ state motto to the “Overgrown Garden State”.

  14. #14 |  Scott | 

    @Chris in Alabama re: “Whether you can touch your own hooha”…

    I think I recall Radley posting an item or two (wayyy back) about prisoners being convicted of various obscenity crimes for masturbating while locked up. So I guess we can put a check mark next to the first item on your list ;)

  15. #15 |  Chris in AL | 

    One has to believe that this will carry over to the piercing and tattooing of hoohas (or is it hoohai?) as well.

    The next thing you know, it will be part of the security questions at the airport…

    “Was your hooha with you the entire time?”

    “Did you pack your own hooha?”

    And ladies, how will you ever answer the dreaded

    “Has anybody tried to give anything to put in your hooha?”

  16. #16 |  Mattocracy | 

    This all started because two women suffered injuries. Sounds like a simple civil case where one party wants compensation for having their vag torn off.

  17. #17 |  Marty | 

    this is the first time I ever felt the desire to be an inspector…

  18. #18 |  MacGregory | 

    Thanks. Now I can’t shake the image in my head of a dangling vag.

  19. #19 |  BamBam | 

    Here in OR self-service gasoline is illegal as stated. I looked up the statutes and spoke to the Fire Marshall Asst years ago, and she stated that it’s the jurisdiction of the Fire Marshall and police cannot cite you for anything. She further stated that it’s illegal to leave a running pump unattended, knows that it happens all of the time, and there’s nothing they can do about it. I suggested repealing the laws, she said talk to your legislator.

    The worst part? The Fire Marshall Asst told me that all it takes is a complaint about a person pumping their own gas and you may get a fine from the state. No evidence, no appeal, nothing. I suggested it would be an easy way to hurt people by making stuff up, since the statements aren’t checked for accuracy (what vehicle driven, could it have been at said location at said time, etc).

    I’ve pumped my own gas, had an attendant threaten to call police, and asked them to explain why that is necessary, and informed them that the police can do nothing about it. Thinking back on that, the police would likely cite me for disorderly conduct and then shoot me.

  20. #20 |  Eric Haskell | 

    “Thinking back on that, the police would likely cite me for disorderly conduct and then shoot me.”

    QFT

  21. #21 |  Pinandpuller | 

    I’m sure they would only shoot your dog.

  22. #22 |  CharlesWT | 

    So, waxing will be waning in New Jersey.

  23. #23 |  NoelArmourson | 

    A couple of decades ago New Jersey passed a law requiring all eggs served in restaurants be cooked well done, ostensibly to prevent food-borne illness. The over-easy ban received so much widespread criticism and ridicule it was repealed fairly quickly.
    Perhaps the Board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling should take a Brazilian vacation.

  24. #24 |  Tim Fowler | 

    New Jersey scraps plan to ban Brazilian bikini waxes

    By Rex W. Huppke | Tribune reporter
    3:44 PM CDT, March 20, 2009

    Perhaps realizing how silly they looked, the state of New Jersey on Friday scrapped plans for a controversial ban on “Brazilian” bikini waxes.

    The ban was being considered by the state’s Cosmetology and Hairstyling Board because two women in the past year had been hospitalized for infections following a bare-it-all Brazilian-style treatment.

    But in a letter to the board on Friday, New Jersey Consumer Affairs Director David Szuchman wrote: “I cannot agree to the complete prohibition … banning removal of hair in the genital area.”

    http://www.chicagotribune.com/chi-brazilian-wax-ban-react,0,4403680.story

  25. #25 |  anarch | 

    the police would likely cite me for disorderly conduct and then shoot me

    More likely the other way around.

  26. #26 |  Mike | 

    Why in the name of Jefferson is there a State Board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling?

  27. #27 |  Eric Ogunbase | 

    #26, Mike, there was another revenue stream. Just wait til they realize they can make money by legalizing marijuana and prostitution! You will need a “Cannabis State License”, as well as a “Brothel Agent License”.

    You laugh now. But so did people who didn’t think they’d license hairstylists.

    Of all the problems going on in America, Brazilian waxing is an issue that requires new law?

  28. #28 |  mgordon | 

    I blame the dental floss lobby.

  29. #29 |  DaveG | 

    Call me a Puritan, but anything less than a bacon strip should be a ticketable offense.

  30. #30 |  Dave | 

    …and then they came for my cock-ring, and there was nobody to speak for me.

  31. #31 |  the friendly grizzly | 

    @ #15: Hoo Hai is not plural of Hooha. Hoo Hai is this nice Asian man who runs a small grocery and deli in Philadelphia. His shop was recently raided by the local police.

  32. #32 |  JS | 

    CharlesWT

    “So, waxing will be waning in New Jersey.”

    lol Brilliant!

  33. #33 |  PoliBlog: A Rough Draft of my Thoughts » The Legitimate Domain of Government? | 

    [...] should be an early candidate for Blog Post Title of the Year, and the nominee is Radley Balko for: When Hairless Genitalia Is Banned, Only Criminals Will Have Hairless Genitalia. addthis_url = ‘http%3A%2F%2Fwww.poliblogger.com%2F%3Fp%3D15354′; addthis_title = [...]

  34. #34 |  Fascist Nation | 

    The real crime is that it takes a license to legally offer waxing services.

  35. #35 |  Rico | 

    “She said many customers would likely travel across state lines to get it and some might even try to wax themselves.”

    This can only lead to back-alley bikini waxes. Keep it safe legal and rare.

  36. #36 |  DirkVA | 

    The second most disturbing thing about this headline is that it’s ungrammatical: GENITALIA is plural.

  37. #37 |  Jersey Guy | 

    To claude: I’m a New Jerseyan and, like most people in my state, I enjoy having someone pump my gas for me. And it’s not a matter of having the “freedom” to pump your own gas, but of protecting consumers. In states where pumping your own gas is legal, gas stations often charge extra if you want them to pump the gas for you. Who wants the hassle, saftey risks, and mess of pumping your own gas?

  38. #38 |  I Hate What You Just Said » Blog Archive » What’s Going on Down There? | 

    [...] state of New Jersey moves to ban Brazilians from their state. Tags: New Jersey This entry was posted on Monday, March 23rd, 2009 at 5:37 pm and is filed under [...]

  39. #39 |  neumann | 

    @Dave #30

    Genius! Took the high road on that one and avoided all the obvious hoo- haa.

    Touche my good sir

  40. #40 |  Joe | 

    Trust me, there are some unkempt gardens in the Garden State.

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