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Bill O’Reilly Talks Dirty to You

Tuesday, March 17th, 2009

I know I speak for many when I say, I wish there was some way I could get instructions from America’s top TV blowhard on how to properly perform cunnilingus. Or on how to seduce a woman by grabbing her by the breasts. I’ve also always wondered what it might be like to hear Papa Bear O’Reilly exclaim those forbidden words we’ve all uttered to ourselves from time to time: “I wish I were a lesbian.”

I know I’m not alone. And I have good news, friends.

Our day has finally arrived.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 17th, 2009 at 5:37 pm by Radley Balko and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

25 Responses to “Bill O’Reilly Talks Dirty to You”

  1. #1 |  Brandon Bowers |  March 17th, 2009 at 5:45 pm

    That was nauseating.

  2. #2 |  Gonzo |  March 17th, 2009 at 5:50 pm

    That was awesome! I just made the cunnilingus section my cellphone ringtone.

  3. #3 |  Oregon Commentator » Blog Archive » Fun With Audiobooks |  March 17th, 2009 at 5:55 pm

    [...] The Agitator, if “ringing the doorbell” wasn’t enough for you (see the “Spew” [...]

  4. #4 |  Lucy |  March 17th, 2009 at 6:10 pm

    I was going to click, then my courage failed me.

  5. #5 |  Omar |  March 17th, 2009 at 6:14 pm

    Do it, Lucy. Do it!

    Sublime.

  6. #6 |  Mike |  March 17th, 2009 at 6:29 pm

    That’s just … so wrong. I will never be able to enjoy the internet again.

  7. #7 |  Danno49 |  March 17th, 2009 at 6:32 pm

    The only thing missing is him describing the little man in the boat. That would make this complete.

  8. #8 |  Josh |  March 17th, 2009 at 6:37 pm

    How we know exactly what Andrea Mackris had to put up with.

  9. #9 |  Alaska |  March 17th, 2009 at 7:03 pm

    That brings to mind this song:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLnicHqPh4A

  10. #10 |  Brock |  March 17th, 2009 at 7:17 pm

    I have been disappointed in the internets before, but this takes the cake. Why has it taken 8 years for these samples to come to light?

  11. #11 |  Z |  March 17th, 2009 at 8:00 pm

    Can “Mohammed’s scimitar”, as the sequel will be called, be far behind?

    Also, I hope Jesse Helms and and Jerry Falwell are penetrating each other with tv antennas in hell.

  12. #12 |  Mikestermike |  March 17th, 2009 at 8:13 pm

    He read that with all of the gusto and spice of unleavened bread.

    I would get more aroused having Paul Harvey read me Title 33, Chapter 25, Subchapter IV, Sec 1345 “Disposal or use of sewage sludge” of the US Code.

  13. #13 |  Wavemancali |  March 17th, 2009 at 8:16 pm

    A link to those audio clips should come with a bigger link to some kind of soap company/product. I feel so dirty.

  14. #14 |  Edwin Sheldon |  March 17th, 2009 at 8:26 pm

    Papa Bear is to intimacy what George Lucas is to romance.

  15. #15 |  B |  March 17th, 2009 at 9:23 pm

    It seems to me that well-written sex scenes are either approached with considerable restraint or wild abandon. Most everything in between just ends up being gross.

    And in this case, hilarious.

  16. #16 |  mtc |  March 17th, 2009 at 9:33 pm

    The best way to experience this is just click play on all of them at once.

  17. #17 |  Tim C |  March 17th, 2009 at 9:38 pm

    Holy mother of shit. This is one of the most hilarious things I’ve seen in some time. +17, Balko.

  18. #18 |  KBCraig |  March 18th, 2009 at 4:04 am

    I’m an admitted pervert, but even I now feel compelled to take a shower while sticking my fingers in my ears and chanting “nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!”

    Thanks for ruining teh innerwebz, Radley!

  19. #19 |  Boyd Durkin |  March 18th, 2009 at 9:14 am

    So along with being a douche bag, he’s also a bad writer and bad reader? He’s a triple threat!

  20. #20 |  Bronwyn |  March 18th, 2009 at 9:25 am

    I’m with Lucy. I’m certainly not going to click until I get home!

  21. #21 |  Rick Caldwell |  March 18th, 2009 at 9:37 am

    Off the topic of O’Reilly, I really like the Village Voice. I can’t explain it. It has a very leftist slant. I feel that now that I’m 40, I should be out of their demographic. And the parochial New York vibe should be a huge turn off to me in southeastern Virginia. Still, I like it… a lot.

  22. #22 |  pam |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:45 am

    revolting. Did anyone send this to Keith Olbermann?

  23. #23 |  pam |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:46 am

    edwin @14, I’ll take George Lucas any day. At least there is imagination.

  24. #24 |  Andrew Williams |  March 18th, 2009 at 5:42 pm

    As the boy in National Lampoon’s Animal House said after the half-naked cheerleader landed in his room, “Thank you, God!”

  25. #25 |  Mark |  March 23rd, 2009 at 1:29 am

    Exclusive: Bill O’Reilly’s sleazy sex video

    http://www.ihatethemedia.com/bill-oreilly-sex-tape-video

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