TheAgitator.com
They’re Lying
Thursday, February 5th, 2009
Get yours here. Wear it ironically.
“Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love!”
–Woody Allen
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Are they getting each other off now?
Epic lulz
My roommate is a born-again Mormon. Since he attempts to talk to me from time to time about the evils of masturbation and having women who aren’t my wife in my bed, I think I need to buy him one of these… because you’re right. He’s lying. Or having regular wet dreams.
Also: BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
This has really brightened my day.
i don’t see the big deal. i’ve quit hundreds of times.
and i learned to type one-handed
At first I thought this was some hip way to demonstrate the idiocracy and futility of the ex-gay movement, by showing how silly it is to be an ex-masturbator, but then I followed the link and got to the bottom of the page where I saw that, nope, they actually have a t-shirt for that one too. (If you watch the video, the ex-homosexual preaches about how that ‘lifestyle’ only ends in AIDS. A whole ‘nother issue there.)
And now I’m just left thinking ‘wow’. They found God in a t-shirt. What amazing faith.
Wow, my ex’s won’t even answer my calls any more.
I am the master of my domain…oops, heh-heh. Never mind.
It’s no coincidence that the same people who condemn masturbation are the ones who don’t believe in evolution. Evolution means the future is going to be different from the past, an idea they’re not familiar with.
[...] Via the Agitator [...]
As an ex-masturbator, I’d like to talk seriously about the dangers of masturbation for a moment.
This is the sort of thing that’s ruining our children’s lives. We need to stem it now before it reaches epidemic proportions.
I suggest the creation of a government entity that would pursue masturbation offenders, headed by a real hardliner, somebody would could really trust — a “Masturbation Czar” if you will.
Obviously, anyone depraved enough to try and rub one out in the privacy of their own home will be subject to the swifest and most irrational paramilitary tactics. They’re dogs will be better of dead, after seeing that sort of thing.
WTF is with the black guy wearing the “ex-slave” shirt? Really? A “slave” to our “passions and pleasures”? Alrighty then…
The ironic thing about the “ex-lesbian” claiming that homosexuality leads to AIDS… is that lesbians are at a much lower risk for the transmission of HIV (and most other STDs) than almost any other sexual demographic. If God hates fags, then lesbians must be the chosen people.
If I were to see someone wearing one of those shirts, I’d say, “Me too! I just quit… a few minutes ago!”
Then reach out to shake their hand, of course.
there’s a Led Zeppelin tribute band coming to St. Louis called Lez Zeppelin- maybe I’ll get them some t shirts!
To fap, or not to fap, that is the question….
“Check out ‘P4CM TV’ as people from the movement give you some live, uncut, behind the scenes footage of The Movement. Get an inside look of what goes down after church.”
That’s quite suggestive language for what is most likely 7-Up and Doritos during a “rap session” about how “chill” God is.
As my drill sergeant said one time…”There are people who do it and there are those who lie about it.”
I wonder how many of them are saddlebacking?
http://saddlebacking.com/
#9
Sex + Time = Evolution
http://agirlandherfed.com/
Just plain WRONG.
Onan wept.
Preach on, brother JJH2, preach on.
It’s actually pretty funny. This is the sort of T-Shirt I would wear (especially now that Tshirthell.com is going out of business).
My right hand has never forced me to cuddle and talk after sex…quite a benefit
The good news is that if you needed a Masturbation Czar, I have the perfect candidate for the position.
http://deadspin.com/sports/youtube/the-most-brilliant-thing-youll-see-all-day-176349.php
Off the charts hiliarious.
#19 Frank,
Thanks for the link – that made my day. The people who came up with the definitions for saddlebacking and santorum are friggin’ geniuses.
Rick Santorum spoke at my graduation ceremony and ruined the whole thing. I’ve never seen so many people stand up and walk out on a speaker as I did that day. What a douche.
Wait, what? tshirthell.com is going out of business?!? WHY, LORD?
Oh, I know why. THE FUCKING CPSIA is why. It’s likely to put me out of business, and now tshirthell, too.
Now I’m really pissed off.
Although I’m sure you were able to guess that.
Dammit
By the by, are any of the Agitator lawyerly readers willing to give me a little input on how likely I am to wind up in jail under the CPSIA if I don’t shut my virtual doors in 4 days?
Huh. Never mind, seems it’s just a coincidence. They’re just tired of dealing with stupidity. Sad me.
Still pissed off, but not for the same reason.
Suddenly the Christian Nymphos website that Radley linked to a while back http://www.theagitator.com/2008/10/23/lunch-links-23/ doesn’t seem so crazy, does it?
Gonzo wins the thread, if I may.
“Masturbation Czar” might be the term of the year. I’ll nominate it.
[...] shared using Google Reader. All credit goes to the original author. The original entry can be found here. Shared by shay How long do you have to go to be considered ex? 12 hours [...]
My God the jokes practically write themselves. Like, I’m going to go home and masturbate to that girl’s image. Clicking through would give one several images for the whole week. Or as Jayne Cobb said, “I’ll be in my bunk.”