16 Responses to ““Everybody Kills Hitler””

1. #1 |  Mike Leatherwood |  March 19th, 2008 at 8:07 am

   What a riot. Too funny!

2. #2 |  John |  March 19th, 2008 at 8:24 am

   Ah, that’s too funny. Reminiscent of Hitler clones:
   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ymfs21xeDc

3. #3 |  Erik Ellison |  March 19th, 2008 at 8:57 am

   LOL reminds me of this comic that hit digg last month

   http://digg.com/comedy/The_Home_of_Adolf_Hitler_1933_Doubt_Creeps_In_Comic

4. #4 |  anonymous |  March 19th, 2008 at 9:49 am

   See James P. Hogan’s “The Pacifist” (1988)

   http://jamesphogan.com/books/info.php?cmd=sample&titleID=16

5. #5 |  HaciendaMike |  March 19th, 2008 at 10:10 am

   Hilarious. Makes me want to fire up my prototype time machine and go talk some sense into those guys. They didn’t need to assassinate Hitler. All we need to do disrupt the Anglo-French diplomatic treaty talks of 1904. Then, France will fall to a combined English-German alliance, resulting in no German depression, no beer hall putsch, and little Adolf would be left howling at the moon like yer typical freeper. Best of all, my French wife would likely lose her condescending attitude, after having been raised in a defeated France.

   Hmmm, I’d be happy to do it myself, but my flux capacitor is only generating 86.3 gigawatts, and I haven’t been able to locate the power leak. Anybody got a spare transflux feinberger?

6. #6 |  Joe |  March 19th, 2008 at 10:51 am

   I just kill John Connor

7. #7 |  Joe |  March 19th, 2008 at 10:52 am

   As in the terminator movies

8. #8 |  Danno49 |  March 19th, 2008 at 11:57 am

   Ah, Joe . . . if you could only kill the writers of the insipid Terminator TV show. Now THAT would be something.

9. #9 |  Billy Beck |  March 19th, 2008 at 12:28 pm

   See Alfred Bester: “The Men Who Murdered Mohammed”.

   Don’t try it. Important safety tip.

10. #10 |  Thomas Blair |  March 19th, 2008 at 12:38 pm

    HaciendaMike,

    As per the instruction of the great Dr. Emmett Brown, you only need 1.21 GW of power to operate your time machine. Please direct the other 85.1 GW to the grid.

    You’ll be paid handsomely – 85 GW is 8% of the nation’s generating capacity, and 8% of what this country spends on electricity is a metric shitton of money. At a back-of-the-envelope value of $12/kW, it’s worth a solid $12b/yr. Get them to pay you in gold bullion, though. :)

11. #11 |  Kit Smith |  March 19th, 2008 at 2:36 pm

    Actually, the flux capacitor doesn’t actually generate any electricity, it consumes it. That was why they needed the Uranium in the first movie and then came back with the Mr. Fusion.

    Mr. Fusion FTW!

12. #12 |  HaciendaMike |  March 19th, 2008 at 2:53 pm

    Tom,

    That would certainly explain why I keep burning the damned things out. The cash flow would certainly help, too, given that the feinbergers cost $10 mil apiece.

    My problem is that when I overclock the quantum capacitor for the logrithmic jump from 8.8 to 88 GHz it burns out during the ramp-up. The only way I’ve managed to keep it stable is by massive water cooling and evaporation. Sorry about that 30′ drop in the water level of Lake Mead, btw.

    Anyways, the unit will produce 8.8 GHz reliably and shouldn’t take more that a third of the Colorado River snow melt, but what with the regulatory hassles and Darth Cheney demanding 40% protection money, it hardy seems worth it.

13. #13 |  HaciendaMike |  March 19th, 2008 at 3:01 pm

    Thanks, Kit. I knew something didn’t look right when I unpacked the unit. Cruddy documentation. That’s the last time I buy on e of those Taiwanese knock-off time distortion generators.

14. #14 |  nom de guerre |  March 19th, 2008 at 5:40 pm

    better yet, just crank up the delorean to 1860-something, and whack (the future) kaiser bill. no kaiser bill, crazed by crushing feelings of inadequacy (“mein withered arm ist *vorthless* und *veak*!!”) and desperately trying to impress aunt vicky, then there’s no WW1.

    and no soviet russia, with all her dead tens of millions.

    no WW2. no holocaust.

    probably no commie china.

    no cold war.

    literally hundreds of millions saved, all at the cost of 1 life.

    OTOH, you could just go back to rat-pack era vegas, and have some *real* fun.

15. #15 |  Mike Schneider |  March 19th, 2008 at 10:54 pm

    To hell with the time-travel, I just want a car that runs on banana-peels and stale beer.

16. #16 |  Psychopolitik » From Elsewhere: 2nd level link edition |  March 20th, 2008 at 1:45 pm

    [...] of time travel…This story Radley Balko found is hilarious.  Dork Humor at its [...]

---