TheAgitator.com
Technical Virgin
Tuesday, June 1st, 2004Social conservatives are always talking about how abstinence is the only way to avoid unwanted pregnancies. But with their raging hormones, abstinence for most teens leaves much to be desired.
Thankfully, the good people at TechnicalVirgin.com offer a number of creative alternatives to procreative sex.
[T]here is a way for youths to enjoy rich and satisfying sexual intimacy without risking unwanted pregnancy â?? ANAL SEX! …Of course, the safest way for teens to avoid unwanted pregnancy while satisfying their carnal needs is to limit themselves to homoerotic encounters until they are ready for procreation. But many boys and girls are uncomfortable with the idea of same-sex encounters. Anal sex, however, can be fun for both sexes, and thanks to modern improvements in strap-on sex tools, girls can enjoy being in control of their own anal encounters.
This solution may not work for everyone, but TechnicalVirgin isn’t worried – they’ve really thought of everything:
MARK G., Atomic City, ID
When I started my junior year of high school, I was already the captain of the football team and the baseball team, I was a straight-A honors student, and girls were offering themselves to me. I just couldn’t say no to easy sex and free booze, but I knew I was risking my future. So I prayed on it, drove to Boise, and got this butt-ugly haircut. I haven’t been laid since, praise Jesus!
DANIELLE V., Buffalo, N.Y.
My boyfriend always asks to have sex. “Come on, baby,” he begs me, all the time. I feel really bad about making him wait, but I know that if I have sex with him too soon, he won’t respect me. But I also know that if he ain’t satisfied with me, he’ll date some other girl. So once a month I show him how much I really love him by coughing up the $500 to get him a really top-quality call girl to fuck him silly.
And be sure to watch the helpful TV Commercials.
[cross-posted at Catallarchy]
That’s sorta funny and all–in that sophomoric I’m so much more clever than my parents kind of way–but I wonder if anyone with kids has ever been so nonchalant about the complete decline of sexual morality in the last 30 years, typified by high levels of teen pregnancy, illegitimacy, AIDS, etc.
Didn’t you hear? It’s Planned Parenthood’s fault.
http://www.illinoisleader.com/columnists/columnistsview.asp?c=15413
“During a recent interview, I mentioned that I believe one of Planned Parenthoodâ??s objectives is for girls and women to engage in illicit sex as often as possible, so as to increase the odds theyâ??ll get pregnant and have to abort.”
You gota love the TV ads.
Ought to have those on the 700 club.
Well, what with the growing child obesity problem, parents won’t have to worry about their kids having sex cause they’ll all be too butt-ugly to screw.
John
narphonax.com
No, roach, it’s just plain funny. But your post is insightful, in an “I’m going to pretend my political preferences are a sign of greater maturity” kind of way.
Jeez, Roach…I guess some social conservatives just don’t have a sense of humor when it comes to moralizing everything.
So what would you propose be done about the supposed “decline of sexual morality”? Judging from your past postings, I’m guessing your answer will be…
***DINGDINGDING***
MORE LEGISLATION!
I’m also guessing you support Bush’s plan to use hundreds of millions of the dollars the government steals from us, on abstinence-only education.
…You were not quite half so proud when I found you broken on the beach
Remember how I poured salt on your tongue and hung just out of reach
And the band they played the homecoming theme as I caressed your cheek
That ragged, jagged melody she still clings to me like a leech.
….
-Springsteen
Am i missing something here? what was so sexually moral about 1974? i thought that was the height of the led zeppelin-cocaine-sex with groupies thing?
It’s funny when people blabber about such and such a time being much better.It usually means that they were younger, and enjoying life more. At least they may think they were.
conservatives do not promote abstinence because itâ??s the ONLY way to ensure against unwanted pregnancy and disease, but because itâ??s the BEST way.
Speaking as someone who is about to be 24 years old, abstinence may be the most effective in preventing unwanted pregnancy and (some) STDs, but it’ll never catch on with kids as a whole simply due to their contrarian and experimental natures. It’s naive to think pounding on this particular pulpit will change their behavior to any significant extent. Perhaps given a serious, dedicated, long-term generational effort coordinated around the country might such cultural changes take place.
But that would basically necessitate the government stepping in and taking (further) control. Getting beyond the creepy social engineering aspects of that idea, I simply don’t want to be forced to pay for the sexual educations of others; nor do I want my future offspring’s education be determined by legislators and regulators.
the bleeping 60′s screwed us all.
michael, amen.
I dont know why the term ‘social conservative’ is so dirty. When it’s used in this forum it carries such a negative connotation. It’s funny to me that libertarians are so interested in maintaining the sanctity of the constitution but dont give a shit about the sanctity of our society.
hello? standards anyone? the slippery has become the norm. why is it bad to have morals?
does this mean you would have no problem with your son or daughter being a slut at 15 supergenius?
I think what’s happening, michael, is we’re trying to (quietly) put away terms like slut (ssssh) and promiscuous. They’re so offensive.
Besides, what’s wrong with having sex? I mean, it’s not like it’s harming anyone for a 14 year old to have sex with as many men as she wishes. All you stupid and closed minded social conservatives need to get with the times and let your 11 year old get in on the fun. Sex is sex man. That’s all it is. I can’t wait until my 5 year old has his first experience. Cool.
(sarcasm and disgust off).
Julian I’ll just let you know: My political beliefs are a sign of greater maturity and wisdom. I know what I don’t know and rely on tradition and history in the breach. I don’t have hubristic faith in “reason” a la Jacobins circa 1789.
Now go curl up and read some Ayn Rand.
Julian -
“No, roach, it’s just plain funny. But your post is insightful, in an ‘I’m going to pretend my political preferences are a sign of greater maturity” kind of way.’”
This coming from a Libertarian – the group that perfected the “pretend my political preferences are a sign of greater maturity” method of debate.
Er, Ms. Dani and michael:
I didn’t mean to give the impression that I condoned slutty behavior for children. Nor did I say there is anything wrong with *making a decision* to save yourself for marriage (thus the smiley face).
I was making a statement about general American society attitudes concerning sexual relations…and how those attitudes have changed over the past few generations. For example, no longer does a pregnant unmarried teen have to hide away during her pregnancy (as she would have in the 1950s). In fact, she can talk about being pregnant without using the shorthand “PG”
And I’d kindly like you to appreciate that simply because a person has sex outside of marriage does not make them a slut or promiscuous. Even if that person is a teenager. Slutty/promiscuous implies a lack of selectivity.
And since you’ve asked, I would absolutely have a problem with a 15 year old child who is promiscuous. Since you didn’t ask, I take issue with slutty behavior at any age. I certainly hope that my children will have more self esteem than those who do engage in such behavior.
so supregenius, what makes one slutty? Is this subjective, relative? Who decides and what makes that person an expert?
IMO, one episode of sex pre-marital makes one slutty (I was slutty). I’m sure you disagree. What makes you right and me wrong or vice versa?
Ms. Dani,
We can both be right since slutty has been and probably always be subjective.
I’ve always considered the difference to be a lack of selectivity for the slut. Someone who doesn’t care who they sleep with and won’t ever refuse an offer.
Everyone (adults) can decide for themselves where to draw the line. That’s the beauty of a free society. If you label me a slut because I engage in pre-marital sex, that’s your right.
However I respectfully disagree with you, Ms. Dani.
a whore is someone who sleeps with everybody. a slut is someone who sleeps with everybody but me :)
So if I selcetively sleep with 100 handsome dudes and I love each and every one of them, then that makes me less slutty than someone who sleeps with 5 ugly dudes whom she really didn’t care about? If you agree with that then you are living in a double standard. Sex is sex. Sleeping with 1 guy or 100 guys, I don’t care how “selective” you think you’re being, is slutty behavior. I don’t really care if someone is slutty or not, I just don’t like hypocrisy.
I’m not sure what hypocrisy you are referring to and I think you misread my last post.
I never made any reference to # of sexual partners or whether or not love/caring was involved. I did say that the “slut” doesn’t care who s/he sleeps with and doesn’t say no to anyone. Doesn’t matter if its the 100 handsome dudes or the 5 ugly dudes.
Ms. Dani, I doubt we will ever see eye to eye on this one. I do appreciate hearing your point of view.
you must be right. HEY! we see eye to eye on the fact that we won’t see eye to eye! woohoo!
respectfully