TheAgitator.com
Bad Tunes
Monday, April 19th, 2004Blender ranks the worst bands in the history of rock. I’m game with most of the list. They describe Air Supply as “the sound of eunuchs sobbing.” That’s funny.
I’d quibble with Toad the Wet Sprocket. Not only are they not awful, I kinda’ like them.
The print edition of the magazine ranks the worst songs of all time, and settles on Starship’s “We Built This City.”
I’ll work on my list for both and get back to you.
I’d quibble with Whitesnake too. Obviously, they weren’t the second coming of Zepplin, but Tawny Kittain spread eagle across a Jag should keep you off any fifty worst list!
Worst band–Bee Gees(that’s in the “ever” category)
The only thing that sucks about Toad is their name. I also object to listing Live and comapring them to U2 (did I miss a U2 album somewhere?).
Meanwhile, there’s a banner ad for N.E.R.D.! Yeah, they’re geniuses compared to the Doors (#37).
Good quips, though: “Even Bill Wyman laughs at [Mick Jagger's] solo records.”
Worst Band:
Captain Beefheart… or The Shaggs…
Worst Song:
“Rock Me, Amadaeus”
This list is nothing more than a group a young pups who are looking to insult what their parents listen too.
50 worst artists of all time
Blender gives us the 50 worst bands off all time. Not a whole lot to quibble with in the list….
I like the quiz at the end…though I was stumped by the William S. Burrough reference. Very Dennis Miller for a Blender writer.
Joe Sims,
You can’t be one of us who came of age in the glorious 80’s music era… Rock Me Amadeus doesn’t belong on ANY worst of list… well, maybe video.
How about a seperate list of Worst Bands with the single worst song. Seperately they may not be the top of either list, but combined they’re unbeatable.
I would submit New Kids On The Block, “The Right Stuff”.
Rock Me, Amadaeus
pure 80’s genius!
How could you not love that song, if only for comedic purposes!
Notably Missing (in order of “best worst” to “worst worst”):
1) Boston
2) Phil Collins
3) Toto (can you think of a worse band?)
As for comparing Live to U2, I agree that they’re nothing like each other. However, it was Ed from Live who once said, “we’re bigger than U2 is and ever was.”
Also, growing up in the same area as the members of Live, I got to hear how conceited and arrogant the guys from Live were from owners of clubs and guitar shops.
Even if they did have a few good songs off Throwing Copper and Mental Jewelry, the asshole points they incurred over the years - for treating people from Central PA like crap, pompously stating that they’re better than U2, and for making Creed possible - automatically gives them negative points.
Hey wait a minute… what’s wrong with Toto? I thought Africa and Rosanna were at least decent, if not pretty good songs. And Boston’s first album? That is a classic.
Although I must agree with Phil Collins, even though No Jacket Required was o.k. I’m still miffed at the popularity of “In The Air Tonight”.
I wonder what they think good music is because they certainly don’t know what it’s not. ELP the number 2 worst band? Kansas, Asia, Yngie, Boingo? Alan Parsons, Primus, The Doors, Rick Wakeman? The Gipsy Kings? What a bunch of classless fools. Good thing they left RUSH off the list or I would have been tempted to . . . never mind.
I guess they did hit the mark with some of the acts, though.
Just goes to show you how subjective any form of art can be.
Opinions are like assholes . . . everybody’s got one.
=
This isn’t so much “worst bands ever” as it is “worst bands that are popular enough with other people that we have to hear them in the media.” If it were just “worst bands ever,” they could have just made a list of middle school garage bands that broke up before graduation and been done with it.
I certainly would have added the inimitable Kris Kross to the list, along with my personal least favorite band ever, Ace of Base.
I would put on all rock-rap acts. My god that stuff is bad. Oh, audioslave… one of the best rock voices ever (chris cornell) destroyed.
most of you are prob too young to remember “hello i must be going” by phil collins. his later albums are not quite so creative and lyrically resonating but the man who lead genesis thru the 70s with albums such as “abacab” still gets high marks in my book. anvil, btw i agree completely. youth today has a different appreciation and idea of what good music is. and to further date myself into the “old lady” category, my nomination for best album ever goes to…physical grafitti. robert’s bluesy, ranging vocals and jimmy, what can ya say? no one else in the history of music can bend the strings like that man. michelle
Greg
Toto? Really? I like Toto.
There are two things that are common to just about everybody in the United States:
(1) Everybody knows (for some reason) that Eli Whitney invented the cotton gin, even if they don’t know when or why it matters; and
(2) Everybody familiar with the song “Africa” by Toto thinks it is good.
I therefore nominate Africa for best song of all time.
I can’t believe you all are dissing Toto, Asia, Kansas, Boston, and Whitesnake. You people have no taste.
I agree with Anvil, this list is biased by the generation. I think there was a lot more crap that cam out in the 80s, 90s and current that is worse than the stuff they mention. And if you want to hear Toto’s best work, get the Dune soundtrack.
I would be remiss if I did not state my asshole . . .er, opinion . . . that Toto is an excellent band.
And while Africa is a good song, I believe that 99 is a superior composition.
James D on the Dune soundtrack: I agree. Good stuff.
Best album of all time? Physical Graffiti is definitely up there but:
Rush - Moving Pictures
Now that’s some serious music.
I’m surprised they didn’t diss Rush because of Neil Peart’s drum solos. They seemed to have a woody against them in the quiz.
My God, It’s Like He’s Coked Up Or Something
I got 8 synthesizers, a silver cape, and no microphone. Thanks to the Agitator, I found an article concerning the 50 worst bands of all time. One must be in touch with one’s inner crap-hound, so here is an…
Jesus, I didn’t think there were so many Toto fans out there…
Anyway, this is funny: http://ilx.wh3rd.net/thread.php?msgid=3539551
Now THAT is a true “battle of the bands!”
Man oh man, there’s some good stuff on that list. And slamming Kansas? No emotion? I wonder if they only listened to Dust in the Wind. One point in their favor though: if We Built This City isn’t the worst ever, it’s close.
I loved the entry for Manowar. Horrible, horrible music, but their lyrics are an entertaining read.
I think bad-but-popular 80s hair-metal bands are significantly under-represented on that list. But then, what do I know. I never cared for Toto’s Africa.
Matt,
I’m 34, and I stand by my assessment of “Rock Me, Amadaeus” as the worst single. Falco bleats like a goat, and his lyrics are the height of banality. The video, however, was genius.
I think the mute button was specifically invented for that video…
I, too, was surprised that they didn’t slag on Rush more than they did. I suppose they have an agreement with Rolling Stone to leave Rush for them, while Blender gets to beat up on the Doors and Mick Jagger.
Where’s U2 in that list?
Why the fuck would you travel all the way from Vancouver, Canada to go to Dublin with a can of spray paint just to write “I heart U2″ on a wall, and leave? — Henry Rollins
Radley Balko links to a Blender article listing the fifty worst bands…
Definitely a generational bias here … Kansas and Boston are two of my own faves.
Of course, that cuts both ways … I’ve often said that it looks like anyone with acne and knows three (ok, four — G,D,Em,C) chords can get a record contract these days.
OTOH, we packed our guitars and all-tube amps on our backs and walked five miles barefoot in the snow — uphill both ways — to our friends’ garage for band practice.
Wow! Libertarians have crappy taste in music!! Or is it just political blog comment page contributors???
I aggree with Danno49. I would include Tin Machine on your list too Danno.
Wow! Libertarians have crappy taste in music!! Or is it just political blog comment page contributors???
DO NOT MOCK THE EIGHTIES.
Joe, I’m laughing out loud at your description of Falco bleating like a goat. The version with German lyrics does indeed sound like a goat. But I thought the “American” version was pretty good.
I’m 37 so’s I guess we have basically the same point of reference.
Nothing like a discussion of bad music
All right, it’s time to generate some real controversy around here: Via Norbizness and The Agitator comes this list of…
Whitesnake and Manowar as the sole representatives of sucktacular hair bands??? Slaughter, Danger Danger, and Warrant were all much worse than Whitesnake. (I should know, as I owned recordings by all of them at one point.)
Santana should be included for the unforgivable Supernatural, which far overshadows anything he did before. And Greenday should be included for starting the whole latter-day-punk-that-really-isn’t thing.
These guys definitely have a hate on for 70’s prog rock. And they aren’t hard enough on bad hip-hop or boy bands. But then again, there were only 50 slots.
Tin Machine was on the list, wasn’t it . . . they were pretty cool. I agree, they don’t belong there. Another one that wasn’t too bad was Mike And The Mechanics.
That Journey vs Toto vs REO Speedwagon thread posted by Greg is a freaking laugh riot! Thanks for the link!
Some excerpts:
Come on, nobody wore red leather pants as well as Mike Reno did.
call me a hetero…but whats the point of a GUY wearing leather pants.
Is there a single woman in the world who finds that even remotely sexy?
Rod Stewart ruined red pants for everybody if you ask me.
A greater song about love than “I Want To Know What Love Is” has never been and never will be written.
Just a tease . . . go over and check it out.
I have no qualms about any of the 50 who made it, but I can think of some who should have made it. (Counting Crows, the Smithereens, Modest Mouse, Annie Lennox, Jack Black, Jeffrey Osborne, Cher, Chaka Khan — and my god how did Bryan Adams not make the list??? “Summer of ‘69″ must have saved him.)
Anyone who thinks “Toad the Wet Sprocket” is a bad name obviously isn’t a Monty Python fan.
Bend me shape me
Bad bands are so bad, sometimes they’re good. Sometimes. Blender has listed the Worst 50 Musical Artists Ever. And here…
I fail to understand why these “worst bands” lists always bash prog rock.
“Bereft of sex and emotion, Kansasâs music was a noxious fusion of Jethro Tull and Yes, appealing only to male sci-fi bores…”
God forbid someone write something other than maudlin, nausea-inducing love songs. Some of us get tired of listening to every half-formed piece of crap written by a horny teenager.
You’re all wrong. If it sounds good to you, screw the elitist, noses-in-the-air pompous pieces of crap at Blender, and listen to it.
Also, why are libertarians knocking other people’s music? Shouldn’t you leave that to those nanny-music-industry types over at Blender who want to tell you what to listen to?
I should have closed the window, laughing, when I saw the Doors listed. I’m not a major Doors fan, don’t even have a CD, but come on.
But listing Live? And blaming Live for Creed?! That’s damn near fightin’ words. How on earth can you blame Live for Creed any more than you could blame every other loud rock band with male vocalists that came before, like Nirvana, Metallica, or Black Sabbath? Please.
And then…Oingo Boingo.
Oh.
Oh, dear.
Well, then. That changes things. This is not a matter of offense, or poor musical taste.
This is a cry for help.
We’re dealing with a sad, joyless person. A troubled person, but still a fellow human being.
Anger is not the appropriate response. We must open our hearts so that we may…
…point and laugh. Loudly.
Chalk up another win for Toto - I think they were pretty good in their day, particularly with “Hold the Line”.
Putting Kansas on the list, however, is pure ignorance. If “Carry On Wayward Son” isn’t one of the best rock tunes EVER, then I’m just not a real fan of rock and roll. Damn, how could anyone expect any more from a tune than they deliver in THAT one?
That said, I vote Spandau Ballet for the title of Worst Band Ever.
Jeb gets it.
It is so easy to make fun of 80s music, and so easy to make fun of any pop music (never been more pop music by more bands than in the 80s).
But I know you all have a favorite.
Mine “My Cherona” by The Knack, because… well, I always get it up for the touch of the younger kind. (8-o
I am, I admit, probably the only one who believes that Foreigner & AC/DC belonged on that list. Two words: Lame. Screaming.
Frank Zappa ruled, at least up until Joe’s Garage. I think the ass cancer had got to his brain by then.
Obscure goodness: Letters From Cleo & the Tuesdays. Good 90’s girl-pop.
So there.
Danno49, about assholes and excuses… they always stink
Jeb is way off. Blender’s not telling us what not/to listen to, they’re simply telling us what they think sucks. That’s distinctly libertarian. Places like Consumer Reports are invaluable sources of ratings information not because they tell us what not/to do or buy, but because they are credible and independent sources of infomration. In the end, though, it’s up to you whether to trust a source’s information. Most everyone uses sources — word of mouth or the latest report on a product — before they make a purchase. By informing us, Blender, Consumer Reports, etc. help consumers make educated choices. Gather facts from the source you see fit (or just go on a hunch) and sink/swim based on your decision. That’s as free market as it gets. There’s no nanny-state there — no NHTSA, FDA, CPSC, or any other government agency seeking to coerce consumer decisionmaking.
For my final word on Toto I will turn to a quote from Empire Records:
Jane: Actually, Toto’s new album tested well among males.
Lucas: Jane, did you compare the percentage of male Toto fans to the incidence of homosexuality amongst males?
Yes, it’s been altered for my purposes.
Toto Sucks.
Greg
Baylen is way off. Okay, not completely. Obviously I was exaggerating a touch with the nanny-muc-industry remark, but I stand by my main point.
The big difference between Blender and Consumer Reports — and it’s a huge difference — is that Consumer Reports is objective, measuring things like size, reliability (in concrete statistical ways), price and others. Blender, on the other hand, relies on the fact that they write for a magazine and you don’t for their authority. And the problem is, whereas Consumer Reports will be able to tell you pretty well whether you’re going to be happy with that new big-screen TV, Blender has no idea what music you’re going to like and any attempts to tell you such is way off-base and presumptuous.
That’s my beef.
Jeb,
Another difference between Consumer Reports and Blender is more telling: Blender is written, produced and distributed by the same people who have given us Maxim and Stuff.
Of course, I’m not saying that softcore porno lad mags can’t have also produce a magazine dedicated to non-pornographic pursuits; hell, Spin is put out by the Guccione’s (purveyers of Penthouse), and Good Housekeeping and Hustler once shared the same corporate masthead (they may still, as far as I know). But as far as journalistic integrity and objectivity, especially in regards to music, Blender will never be anything more than a source of ad revenue for a company whose main publishing focus is peddling photos of nearly naked twenty year old girls.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way…
Jeb, you make a good point. I don’t dispute that Blender is not an unimpeachable source like CR — I made that case, too — but two things: 1) in a free market, people can choose to trust whichever source they want, even the crappy ones; and 2) music is subjective.
On another note, the mix of customer and bot recommendations at Amazon.com is a mix of CR’s data-driven approach and Blender’s subjective style — and might deliver a much better list of recommendations than does either CR or Blender because of that.
Yet another worst list written by indie wankers. What a load of bollocks (mostly). They didn’t try very hard on this one did they?
Smelly gits who were jealous of the hard rockers in school/college. Prats.
Damn straight, Andrew Ian Dodge. Air Supply rules.
“But listing Live?”
Their great sin with listing Live was that they did so without mentioning that Ed, the singer, is a devotee of a cult leader who goes by “Adi Da”, but once called himself “Bubba Free John“.
John H:
Damn good point. If you can’t pick up on the single weirdest aspect of a band while ridiculing it…
Best deal cheap soma carisoprodol is a prescription medication that is used to relax your body, relax your buy soma muscles and help put stress and other difficulties behind you. online soma is now available soma online with the best online prescription. You can obtain a prescription online by answering a short questionnaire buy soma about your medical history soma or visit http://www.soma-cheap-soma.com