Paul Cameron: You know, Stanley, it’s very important that we continue this fight against gay marriage.
Stanley Kurtz: You speak with truth and might, Paul.
Paul Cameron: Because, as I’ve written, men inherently know better how to please men than women do, and women inherently know better how to please women than men do. We’re all more familiar with our own equipment, you see.
Stanley Kurtz: I follow you, Paul.
Paul Cameron: So once sex is used on a wide scale for mere pleasure and orgasm, instead of for procreation, it’s just a matter of time before…
Stanley Kurtz: I’m not sure I like where you’re going with this, Paul…
Paul Cameron: …we…
Stanley Kurtz: Away with these abominable notions!
Paul Cameron: …all turn gay.
Stanley Kurtz: Never!
Paul Cameron: It’s true. Why ask a woman to do what a man can do better? We’re all gay on the inside, Stanley. You know it. You’ve written it: The state’s imprimatur on man-woman marriage is but a thin, vulnerable membrane that keeps you and I loyal to our wives, from going all Midnight Cowboy at the local movie theater for rent money.
Stanley Kurtz: Or just for fun. I make a fine living.
Paul Cameron: Look into my eyes, Stanley.
Stanley Kurtz: I can’t, Paul. They smolder. They light tiny fires in my thighs. And it shames me.
Paul Cameron: State-sanctioned hetero marriage is the only thing that keeps….
Stanley Kurtz: Hush….
Paul Cameron: …me from…
Stanley Kurtz: Shhh!
Paul Cameron: …wanting you.
Stanley Kurtz: Enough! We must pass a constitutional amendment!
Paul Cameron: Why, yes! We must!
Stanley Kurtz: My heart’s pounding, Paul.
Paul Cameron: Those beads of perspiration on your forehead, Stanley. You’re shivering!
Stanley Kurtz: What…what if it doesn’t happen? What if we can’t get the votes? What if there’s no amendment?
Paul Cameron: No amendment? Can’t get the votes? Don’t tease me, Stanley Kurtz.
If we fail in our mission, dear Stanley, we’ll see more San Franciscos, more Portlands, more Vermonts. Stanley, every state, every city, every jurisdiction — every public official that lends credibility to queer marriage, well, it brings us one step closer…
Stanley Kurtz: No…
Paul Cameron: …to…
Stanley Kurtz: Silence, vile words!
Paul Cameron: …hot man love.
Stanley Kurtz: Good Lord n’ Butter! New Mexico just fell!
Paul Cameron: Loosen your tie, Stanley.