Careless Whispers

Wednesday, March 31st, 2004

cameron86.jpg Kurtz.gif

Paul Cameron: You know, Stanley, it’s very important that we continue this fight against gay marriage.

Stanley Kurtz: You speak with truth and might, Paul.

Paul Cameron: Because, as I’ve written, men inherently know better how to please men than women do, and women inherently know better how to please women than men do. We’re all more familiar with our own equipment, you see.

Stanley Kurtz: I follow you, Paul.

Paul Cameron: So once sex is used on a wide scale for mere pleasure and orgasm, instead of for procreation, it’s just a matter of time before…

Stanley Kurtz: I’m not sure I like where you’re going with this, Paul…

Paul Cameron: …we…

Stanley Kurtz: Away with these abominable notions!

Paul Cameron: …all turn gay.

Stanley Kurtz: Never!

Paul Cameron: It’s true. Why ask a woman to do what a man can do better? We’re all gay on the inside, Stanley. You know it. You’ve written it: The state’s imprimatur on man-woman marriage is but a thin, vulnerable membrane that keeps you and I loyal to our wives, from going all Midnight Cowboy at the local movie theater for rent money.

Stanley Kurtz: Or just for fun. I make a fine living.

Paul Cameron: Look into my eyes, Stanley.

Stanley Kurtz: I can’t, Paul. They smolder. They light tiny fires in my thighs. And it shames me.

Paul Cameron: State-sanctioned hetero marriage is the only thing that keeps….

Stanley Kurtz: Hush….

Paul Cameron: …me from…

Stanley Kurtz: Shhh!

Paul Cameron: …wanting you.

Stanley Kurtz: Enough! We must pass a constitutional amendment!

Paul Cameron: Why, yes! We must!

Stanley Kurtz: My heart’s pounding, Paul.

Paul Cameron: Those beads of perspiration on your forehead, Stanley. You’re shivering!

Stanley Kurtz: What…what if it doesn’t happen? What if we can’t get the votes? What if there’s no amendment?

Paul Cameron: No amendment? Can’t get the votes? Don’t tease me, Stanley Kurtz.

If we fail in our mission, dear Stanley, we’ll see more San Franciscos, more Portlands, more Vermonts. Stanley, every state, every city, every jurisdiction — every public official that lends credibility to queer marriage, well, it brings us one step closer…

Stanley Kurtz: No…

Paul Cameron: …to…

Stanley Kurtz: Silence, vile words!

Paul Cameron: …hot man love.

Stanley Kurtz: Good Lord n’ Butter! New Mexico just fell!

Paul Cameron: Loosen your tie, Stanley.

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13 Responses to “Careless Whispers”

  1. #1 |  mark s. | 

    Sarcasm is always the best illustrator.

  2. #2 |  Chip | 

    Was that sarcasm? A dramatization, I think.

  3. #3 |  digamma | 

    Yikes. Did that say more about Kurtz & Cameron, or about Radley Balko?

  4. #4 |  michelle | 

    oh digamma, chill out that is hilarious. SNL skit during the 1970s hilarious. michelle

  5. #5 |  Steve | 

    Cameron just turned up on Jon Stewart’s Daily Show Thursday; details here.

  6. #6 |  Craig S | 

    Now I wonder which name is the pseudonym, Radly Balko or Daniele Steele ????

  7. #7 |  Chris Farley | 

    You should write a whole book like that with chapters of various characters. You’re good at that. I’m still laughing.

  8. #8 |  Charles Hueter | 


    Highlight the absurdity with absurdity!

  9. #9 |  ambush | 

    I think that this is a childish attack “Daily Show” style that presents only one-side of the argument. If your going to be asinine at least be funny. That was as hilarious as the amount of votes libertarian candidates get…

    Oh bad example, that is pretty fun!


    No seriously, Cameron is kind of wacky but Kurtz speaks cogently, I thought attacking him in such a manner was unfair.

  10. #10 |  Ms. Dani | 

    I’m impressed by the “Careless Whispers” title.

  11. #11 |  George Michael | 

    Ms. Dani, I was impressed, too. Now I’m never going to dance again. My guilty feet have got no rhythm.

  12. #12 |  John T. Kennedy | 

    Why is Radley bashing these straights? Could it be that he’s a latent heterosexual?

  13. #13 |  Quae Nocent Docent | 

    Balko Salvo

    This qualifies as a quote, Radley Balko has been tipped off to a conversation explaining that without a Constitutional amendment, it’s only a matter of time before we all become gay. Chilling….