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The Importance of Planning Ahead

Wednesday, March 17th, 2004

You always gotta’ feel bad for the guy who’s depressed enough to try to kill himself, but can’t quite get that right, either:

A Hartland man was treated at a Pittsfield hospital after he nailed himself to a cross. The 23-year-old man apparently was trying to commit suicide Thursday evening in his living room, the Bangor Daily News reported…

…Lt. Pierre Boucher said the man took two pieces of wood, nailed them together in the form of a cross and placed them on the floor. He attached a suicide sign to the wood and then proceeded to nail one of his hands to the makeshift cross using a 14-penny nail and a hammer.

“When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911,” Boucher said.

It was unclear whether the man was seeking assistance for his injury or help in nailing down his other hand.

A Monty Python sketch waiting to happen.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 17th, 2004 at 5:55 pm by Radley Balko and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

12 Responses to “The Importance of Planning Ahead”

  1. #1 |  PJ |  March 17th, 2004 at 7:42 pm

    DOH!!!

  2. #2 |  Wild Pegasus |  March 17th, 2004 at 9:58 pm

    Put a gun in my mouth
    Thought it was real
    Out popped a flag
    Puked my last meal

    Drank me some Clorox
    Yeah, I’m a goner
    My hair all fell out
    I’m Sinead O’Connor!

    - Josh, mature

  3. #3 |  Richard |  March 18th, 2004 at 4:38 am

    Obviously NOT the second coming

  4. #4 |  Rich Casebolt |  March 18th, 2004 at 9:50 am

    I see a (frivolous) lawsuit in Mel Gibson’s future …

  5. #5 |  corquando |  March 18th, 2004 at 9:59 am

    So much to say, so little of it relevant . . .

  6. #6 |  Anonymous |  March 18th, 2004 at 10:37 am

    Razors pain you;
    Rivers are damp;
    Acids stain you;
    And drugs cause cramp.
    Guns aren’t lawful;
    Nooses give;
    Gas smell awful;
    You might as well live.

    РDorothy Parker, R̩sum̩

  7. #7 |  Anonymous |  March 18th, 2004 at 10:48 am

    Thelma: You can’t commit suicide, Jess. It’s a sin.
    Jessie: Jesus was a suicide if you ask me.
    Thelma: You’ll go to hell just for saying that, Jess!

    – Marsha Norman, ‘Night, Mother

  8. #8 |  Craig S |  March 18th, 2004 at 11:32 am

    what the hell is wrong with your comments section?????

  9. #9 |  Frank N |  March 18th, 2004 at 11:56 am

    I’m writing a book called “The De-Evolution of Man”.

    This guy is chapter 7.

  10. #10 |  John |  March 18th, 2004 at 6:52 pm

    Oh, good lord. Any geek who’s followed the insanely funny British comedy “The Young Ones” should recognize this:

    Neil: “Rick, crucifixion’s a really negative way to kill yourself. I’ve tried a dozen times. There’s no way you can hammer in the third nail!”

    Life imitating art, truth stranger than fiction…you make the call.

  11. #11 |  syd |  March 19th, 2004 at 10:22 am

    it took ten comments before someone recognized the young ones bit? you folks just aren’t nerdy enough…

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