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Stringy Meat

Monday, January 12th, 2004

My dad used to make this stuff growing up that we’d call “stringy meat.” The smell would hit every corner of the house and you’d just soak the stuff in, counting down minutes until dinner. Armed with my new crockpot ($13 at Wal-Mart), I asked him for cooking instructions while I was home. I made the stuff this morning, and it was waiting for me when I got home tonight. Oh, the flavor! No need for a knife. Just think about it real hard, and the meat falls apart on its own. It’s so tender, I think some of it began to digest itself in the pan the moment I walked in the door.

At risk of treading on Stephen Green’s hallowed turf, allow me to share the highly labor-intensive recipe with you:

1. Buy a chuck roast.

2. Put it in your crockpot.

3. Poor a family pack size of dried Lipton Onion soup over the top.

3. Cook on low for 10-12 hours.

4. Eat.

I threw a package of sliced mushrooms on mine, just for shits and giggles. It’s 100% Atkins-friendly. If you’re not into Atkins, pull the roast out of the pan, whip up some garlic mashed potatoes and get to yer’ gravy-makin’. Holiday indulgence has me back on boot camp-style Atkins, so I had to do without.

But even minus the potatoes, the stuff was so good, I felt bad about enjoying it while the dog looked at me with scorn. She had to smell the stuff all day, after all, and had only dry kibble for dinner. So I nuked a hamburger patty for her.

If any of you would like to share your bachelor-friendly (and, ideally, Atkins-friendly) crockpot recipes, I’m listening.

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This entry was posted on Monday, January 12th, 2004 at 6:46 pm by Radley Balko and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

38 Responses to “Stringy Meat”

  1. #1 |  Eric |  January 12th, 2004 at 6:55 pm

    You don’t need to put any kind of liquid for it to cook in? You just dump the onion soup mix and mushrooms on top? Sounds good to me…

  2. #2 |  MattG |  January 12th, 2004 at 6:55 pm

    Thanks for including step 4).

  3. #3 |  Ranting and Roaring |  January 12th, 2004 at 7:06 pm

    Don’t substitute no-name dried soup mixes

    Jebus, add a fifth of Jack, a double barreled shotgun, a front porch with a rocking chair and you’re all set to eat….

  4. #4 |  Jefferson |  January 12th, 2004 at 9:25 pm

    1 Pork Tenderloin sprinkled with paprika
    1/2 Pint Carolina-style BBQ sauce (this is the sauce that is basically vinegar and cayenne)
    10 shakes of Lee&Pee

    Cook forever, shred (it falls apart) and savor.

  5. #5 |  Bronwyn |  January 12th, 2004 at 10:14 pm

    1 lb high-qual beef, cut into chunks
    1 can stewed tomatoes
    2 or three ears of sweet corn, um, corned (ok, use frozen if you MUST)
    4 baby red potatoes, washed and cut into bite-size pieces (screw Atkins, it’s unhealthy for you)
    1 zucchini and 1 yellow squash, sliced
    1 small yellow or red onion, sliced into those cute little rings
    2 bay leaves
    oregano
    pepper

    Cook forever, and chow down.
    I like to eat mine with crackers and margarine or bread and butter, but Atkins would frown on that. To him I say Pbtbt!

    :-) I loves me some gooood crock pot cookin’!

  6. #6 |  wade |  January 13th, 2004 at 7:38 am

    You can cook beef like this in Guinness, just pour in a can.

  7. #7 |  Ms. Dani |  January 13th, 2004 at 9:08 am

    Stick the roast in the crock-pot fat-side up, so that the juices run to through the meat. You might want to pour in a cup of water, but it’s not necessary.

  8. #8 |  Ms. Dani |  January 13th, 2004 at 9:10 am

    pork chops in a baking pan, cut up onions, roasted cream of mushroom soup (Campbells of course) and throw some mushrooms on top, even some green beans. Cover with aluminum. Bake at 350 for about 2-3 hours. Yummmm.
    Again good with some whipped mashed potatoes if your not atkinsing.

    Radley, have you tried mashing cauliflower, butter, and cheese for a mashed potato-like dish? It can be pretty darn good if done right.

  9. #9 |  Coll |  January 13th, 2004 at 10:11 am

    Oh, the joys of the walmart crockpot! When i was moving out at college, I dropped my sacred pot and it cracked. I cried. Really. Broccoli cheese soup and tomato-meat sauce comes out great in any crock pot.

  10. #10 |  Julie |  January 13th, 2004 at 11:03 am

    Open 2 cans of beer, any kind. Drink one can. Pour the other in the crock pot. Put in your beef. Open a can of whole cranberries and pour over top of the roast. Cook on low for 8-9 hours. Take a bite and cry, it’s so good.

  11. #11 |  Andy |  January 13th, 2004 at 11:27 am

    Julie:
    I like your way of thinking and cooking? Are you married?

    Oh wait…nevermind, I already am. :)

  12. #12 |  Andy |  January 13th, 2004 at 11:28 am

    Julie:
    I like your way of thinking and cooking! Are you married?

    Oh wait….nevermind, I already am. :)

  13. #13 |  Jason |  January 13th, 2004 at 11:40 am

    FYI the government is coming for your crock pot. They are concerned that the low cook temp can cause a bacteria bloom and illness.

  14. #14 |  Mark S. |  January 13th, 2004 at 3:00 pm

    Radley –

    I make something similar to what you describe.

    1 Chuck Roast
    1 Yellow onion
    1 bottle Chili Sauce

    Slice onions and place in bottom of crock pot. Place roast on onions. Pour chili sauce over roast. Add 1/4 to 1/2 cup of water if you want a milder flavor. Cook on low for 8 to 10 hours.

    Friggin awesome!

  15. #15 |  Diego |  January 13th, 2004 at 4:15 pm

    Damn, I gotta get me a crockpot, these recipes sound awesome.

    And I’m with Andy on this one, u married Julie?

  16. #16 |  Dad |  January 13th, 2004 at 5:21 pm

    You forgot Meat-in-the-pan—either cube steak or round steak. Lay one slice down layer with sliced onion, ketchup (vary ketchup to provide the right amount of tomatoe flavor) and sour pepper relish(if available–sorry lost grandma’s receipe for pepper relish) continue to layer–then cook all day–can be down in crock pot, or in an oven at 210. Spice with garlic, pepper or hot sauce to fit your tastes.

  17. #17 |  Anonymous |  January 13th, 2004 at 6:11 pm

    same recipe as radley (meat and onion soup) only add a half a can of coke, which Tenderizes the meat.

  18. #18 |  dad |  January 13th, 2004 at 8:09 pm

    ooops can be done, not down in oven or crock pot.

  19. #19 |  Chris Farley |  January 13th, 2004 at 8:48 pm

    Beer can chicken in a crockpot.

    Mix equal parts of cayenne pepper and brown sugar

    roll some chicken parts in it. whole breasts are best, with bone and skin.

    pour a little, little, little tiny bit of water in the bottom of the pot, just enough to cover the bottom. Put some beer in a small bowl, coffee cup or cut the can in half.

    Cook all day.

    This one will really make you cry. The sugar masks the initial burn of the chicken, so it is like a slow burn that eventually brings tears to your eyes. Make sure you have plenty of liquids ready.

    Dump Adkins and switch to Weight Watchers Online. I’ve lost 25 pounds and have zero problem keeping it that way. I tried Adkins and slim fast and failed at both. I lost less weight and it came right back.

  20. #20 |  Chuck |  January 15th, 2004 at 1:16 am

    1. Kill a pig, try not to shoot the shoulder.
    2. Cut the pig up
    3. Put a shoulder in the crockpot
    4. pour BBQ sauce in the crockpot
    5. let it cook all day.
    6. to hell with atkins, get some beer, roasted corn, pickled okra, buns and eat.

  21. #21 |  Peggy |  February 8th, 2004 at 12:06 pm

    The Mashed cauliflower, butter & cheese for a mashed potato-like dish has intrigued me, but you did not say how much cheese to use. Could you please email a note to let me know how much to use with one head of cauliflower. Thanks Peggy

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  28. #28 |  Steve |  May 23rd, 2006 at 12:48 pm

    Thanks for the crock pot recipes.

    It sounds great.
    And what an easy crock pot recipe it is.
    Steve

    http://www.easy-crockpotrecipes.com

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