TheAgitator.com
Nanny Stuff
Wednesday, April 9th, 2003Longtime reader Jill Savoie, who is married to the tastefully named Radley Savoie, writes:
I wanted to point out to you an article I saw in yesterday’s Personal Journal section of the Wall Street Journal. It’s about our public schools forcing children to be nice, respect each others feelings and play with the geek kid.I read the article first with some amusement, and thought “how silly”. My next thought was that when these kids graduated on to Jr high and high school, and joined in with the kids who weren’t required to get in touch with their feelings, they were going to get their collective asses kicked in the hallways and locker rooms.
My last thought and the reason I wanted to point it out to you was this: These schools are attempting to teach a generation of children that the government, or the “rules makers” as it may be, can tell them what to say, how to express themselves, and how to treat other people, and that there are consequences for not following the rules. They are not addressing specific children, or isolated incidents of bullying, etc. They are creating a new class of “illegal” activity – meanness. That, of course, is meanness as interpreted by the rules makers. I would quote the article – but I left it at home, oops.
Of course they’re using all sorts of statistics from studies that say things like “125% of childhood bullies wind up in jail by the age of 24″ – sounds like more junk science at play. And I find it quite scary. We talked about it at the dinner table and our 9 year old son agreed that it was wrong because it violated his right to free speech.
I was so proud!
The article is only available online via subscription, but here are a few excerpts:
Fifteeen states have laws requiring schools to put “antibullying” policies into place. As a result, darting another kid a mean look is considered bullying in Connecticut.In some Louisiana schools, playing alone at recess can land a child in a counselor’s office. At Leary Elementary School in Warminster, Pa., teachers set up tomboys on playdates with other girls. The school also has “peace tables” where kids confront their recess nemesis.
Some schools are adopting rules that force children to play with everyone, even kids they don’t get along with. Known as “You Can’t Say You Can’t Play” policies, they essentially forbid a child to say “no” if a kid asks to go out and play. The idea is to prevent feelings of rejection…
…The American Civil Liberties Union recently weighed in against one program. Last year, it challenged a school policy in East Providence, R.I., that defined bullying as including teasing, “harmful gossip” and exclusion. The ACLU claimed the rule could squelch individuality and expression. The policy went into effect in November.
Sometimes the kids themselves revolt against compulsory niceness: At Leary Elementary, teacher Debbie Walker told her second graders to use “I” statements when verbally tussling with other kids. (OK: “I feel bad when you swipe my book.” Not OK: “You’re a thief.”)
But the students found ways to adhere to the letter of the rule — while unequivocally violating its spirit. “Kids would say stuff like, ‘I … hate you,’” Ms. Walker says. So she changed the rule. Now the children have to start their sentences with the words “I feel.”
…At Candor Elementary, students air disagreements and work to come up with solutions at weekly class meetings that can resemble grown-up group therapy….
….Meanwhile, a few kids worry that the language they have learned in tolerance programs might actually mark them for trouble. In Warminster, Leary Elementary is the only elementary school with a comprehensive peer-mediation program out of six schools that feed into the middle school. Leary’s sixth-graders face the next school year with trepidation. “They’ll probably just think you’re talking gibberish,” says 10-year-old Stephen Schmidt. “They are going to be three times my size, so they’ll probably just beat me up anyway.”
Three observations:
1) I think Stephen Schmidt is wise beyond his ten-plus years.
2) I love how the kids adjust to the rules, and still find ways to insult one another.
3) Did anyone see the irony in that one of the schools using these speech codes is called Candor Elementary?
I think kids will be kids, and they’ll get through the 12-step program, or whatever it is. It may have the opposite effect of what is intended by giving them a real distain for authority figures (their teachers, in this case). You can’t have too much of that, if you’re gonna stay a free country.
However, if the program does “work”, who will be paying for the years of therapy for some of these Anti-Bullying graduates? You know, we spend all this money defending our country and shit, and there’s hardly more than 80% left for this important social stuff ….
My theory is that the people who implement these “tolerance” programs were probably the class reject/nerd/geek themselves. They’re taking the world back for the goobers!
I bet these kids all wear helmets to ride their tricycles in the driveway.
We’re investing billions upon billions of dollars to mold our nation’s future into little pansy asses.
From the article: “In some Louisiana schools, playing alone at recess can land a child in a counselor’s office.”
That’s like the way, in fifth grade, the school decided I needed to see the school psychologist on a weekly basis because I was alone on the playground and picked on in class. Hey. That wasn’t my decision.
Speaking as someone who grew up as one of the class rejects that these people somehow believe that they are helping, I must say that such a program sounds dreadful. The problem isn’t that kids refuse to play with one another. The problem is that adults expect kids to play with one another. Those kids who would rather not be played with have always had more sympathy from their fellow kids than the adults.
Once adults stop treating introverts like lepers, bullies will note that their implicit sanction has been withdrawn. But until then, it is what adults do rather than what they say that these budding sociopaths will observe and emulate. Bullies are agents of the teachers, as much as the teachers may deny it, and bullies’ various violent and non-violent persecutions all follow the us-vs-them divisions that teachers manufacture by their attitudes and conduct.
The day that teachers admit that a kid’s desire to be left alone is just as valid as another’s desire to play, will be a bright one in Elementary schools everywhere.
Another good reason that I am homeschooling all my children. It is very interesting to research the different state requirements on homeschooling…
How are the cool kids supposed to distinguish themselves from the losers if they have to be nice and use “I feel” statements? “I feel really bad for you for being kind of gimpy,” or “I feel that you making your own clothes is social suicide.”
Serioulsy, if there are no “cool” kids to tell us what’s hip, how will advertisers market their products? With out “cool” teenagers to make fashion fashionable or trends trendy, markets for fashionable and trendy things might crumble. Is MTV in jeopardy?
But most importantly, what will art and literature be without teen angst to back them up? Carrie sure would have been a pretty boring book if all the kids had been nice to her. And what would Avril Lavigne find “Complicated” if the punks and the preps got along? And don’t even get me started on West Side story…
Don’t forget Revenge of the Nerds.
As one of the good looking cool kids who had plenty of friends and lots of female companionship I find it hard to comment on the best way to deal with school time angst. I’d offer that the best way to deal with school aged kids is to share the pain, or at least make it a common experience. I’m thinking something like giving the class thug an atomic wedgie and hang him from a lamp post.
I was the class nerd for much of my grade school career. big woop. I lived. most do. forced “tolerance” is an awful, stupid idea that won’t work. is there a Not In My Name petition I can sign?
(oh, and “I statements” are nails on a chalkboard to me.)
It is not if you dart a kid a evil I that is said to be bullying it is the evil eye, the isolation and that person doing it for a period of time. I lookes at this list of comments. It is as it always is lets complain about what is right and turn our head and be quiet about what we know a society as being wrong. This is clearly about the adults taking responsibility for their child’s action. Making sissies and tataltales. I know we can’t help thinking about ourselves becaue we live in a collectisms society. It is everyone for themselves. I think that we are in denial and again not wanted to learn from the children. I have become very interested in school bullying and have found that most of the time parents and the school administration are not really aware about bullying. It is in our schools and it is not always in the form of hitting, pushing, insults,threats, spreading rumors, and social exclusion. They now are catogorized into bully, victim, bully/victim and bystander, or neutral we need to find out what category our children is in, we need to find out how they are coping with being bullies or if they are a bystander. Children go to school to learn and socialize with their peers, no child should have to go to school and feel the pressure of being made to feel inferior or inadequate about anything. What is more interesting is the correlation between children being bullied and adults bein vicimized at work. Ask yourself a question is school violence and work violence linked. It is very important for everyone to become aware of how serious bullying has become in the united states and the final outcomes of what it does to a person. It is our responsibility as adults and parents to makes sure our children feel that ift a problem arises such as them feeling they are being bullied that it will be handled swiftly and will not be tolerated in our schools. Bullying is like other issues, it is never a issue untill it is in your house. It is really funny but if you look at the comments you can tell what category a person may fall in. The sad part is were a bully and have children and are passing on those same attitudes and behaviors, what do you think would happen if your child has to be stand up, but someone is bullying them. Do you think they will come and tel you? No. How could they? See we need to arm our children with more that bad attitudes and behaviors and start arming them with more positive resources. Such as schools that have a zero tolerance for bullying, because is it also a form of violence.
Just pray that your child is not in school the day the victim comes back with a gun or the day the victim comes back to work with a gun.
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