TheAgitator.com
“Like urine from a rat with a thing for pear juice.”
Friday, March 14th, 2003An email from a University of Oregon student re: PIRG reminded me of the Oregon Commentator, a libertarianish student-run publication at the school (I like that they’re now doing the blog thing).
And thinking of the Oregon Commentator reminded me of this article published in the paper about five years ago. It was written by an undergrad named Dan Atkinson, and is perhaps the funniest thing ever published anywhere that you haven’t yet read (a hyperbolic complement that, if you think about it, is impossible for you to disagree with — at least until you read the article and, then, something funnier).
I did a quick Google search on this guy. Seems that he hasn’t been writing much since college. That’s too bad. If the wine-tasting piece is any indication of what he’s capable of, he should be getting paid lots of money in Hollywood or New York.
How can talent like this guy’s go unrewarded and yet we still have, for example, According to Jim?
I’m laughing myself a f***ing pantload right now….
…everyone’s looking at me….
Your right! The wine tasting bit was awesome. Thanks for sharing.
Boone’s Farm, Thunderbird, Mad Dog…it all takes me back to high school. There’s nothing like the sweet taste of a fine peach icee/thunderbird concoction.
Why did we take purchasing advice from the drunk guy sitting outside the liquor store? I guess it was because we were sending him in do the purchasing.
I’m with Brian, everybody wants to know what’s so funny. And I can’t ever explain my “Agitator” jokes to my co-workers. They just think I’m crazy.
The reason we have ‘According to Jim’ is easy.
Courtney Thorne-Smith.
Someone needed to keep her on the air after she left Allie McBeal.
It’s much better if you watch it on ‘mute’.
Great wine tasting article
I simply could not control myself while reading this. Somebody just walked into my office and asked why I was crying. This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read in my life.
I’m proud to say that in high school, I was the Mad Dog 20/20 chugging champion. I could down a quart bottle in as little as 18 seconds.
Very nice…
“This port is a study in contrasts. It opens fast, round and sweet-pixie stick, buttercup, whispers of Diet Rite. The finish, though, is a battle of green pennies and bug repellent, with lead paint darting around the edges.”
This is a must buy!
“Its fat, spiny nose rose boldly into our sinuses, burgeoning into a sweet yet horrible symphony”
Great stuff!
Thanks for the link.
Is this funnier?
http://www.no-treason.com/laissezfirearm/hugowine.htm
It’s funny anyway.
Hey, I’m from the Oregon Commentator and I thought if you liked Dan’s article you might like this website that is run by his friend Brandon, another former writer at the OC.
http://www.laurabush.info
I’m not sure what Dan’s doing right nowadays, but perhaps he might show up on this website.
Cheers!
I’ve met Dan Atkinson. He’s a small, meek man with a nasty twitch. Weighs around 98 lbs. Years of heavy Night Train abuse have left him with a quarter-sized hole at the base of his ribs. He pours the wine right in there and can drink while walking down the street. Last I heard from him, he was wandering around mainland China looking to buy a 10 year-old concubine. Weird mofo, indeed.
I AM Daniel Atkinson. I’m the one who wrote the wine review. Who are all you people and why?
My measurements:
6′3″, 230lbs, 1-inch beard, 8-inch penis.
Speaking of my penis, all this attention from strangers has made me quite horny. I have to go now.
I think that last post was Chris Farley or michael.
Hey, their Modest Mouse sounds like our Monkey Butlers!
Hmm… porcine yet spherical. A good start, strong maintenance throughout and a robust finish.
I’ll give it an 89.
Without a doubt the funniest thing ever posted here. Maybe the funniest thing I’ve ever read.
“burgeoning into a sweet yet horrible symphony”
Still cracks me up a year later!
Thanks for the re-post!
MADD Now Apparently Targeting Underage Swingers
Radley Balko – still the sixth thing that comes up when you Google “dan atkinson oregon”, incidentally – has a nice bouquet of anti-MADD zingers. (Link via Instapundit. Keep an eye out for former OC editors in comment section.) One…