From the latest Bill Simmons ramblings:

I’m not ready to fully discuss Mr. Belding’s performance on “Saved By The Bell: The E! True Hollywood Story,” but I will say this: Once Mr. B mentioned that (a) he grew a mustache so he could “distance himself” from the Mr. Belding character to pursue other roles, and (b) he was still upset about the last two seasons of the show because the writers “took too many liberties” with the characters of Screech and Mr. Belding … I mean, I had to be carried out of the living room. [Note: I saw this. It was off the charts.]

Speaking of Yao [Ming], I love when Yao gets quoted in the newspaper through his translator, but they’re always ridiculously stiff quotes like, “I talked with Steve Francis after the game, and I told my diminutive 6-foot-1 friend to be more forthcoming with the ball, and that good things would happen, that we would eventually bathe in our own success.”

I never got the memo … when did it become okay for Kermit the Frog to make a comeback? Why didn’t they make the new Muppets movie just of Kermit urinating on Jim Henson’s grave for 90 straight minutes?

I can’t wait for the NBA playoffs to start, just in case somebody convinces one of the teams to pull a “2002 San Francisco Giants” and have all the player’s kids on the bench. And I mean, all the player’s kids.

I keep waiting for the SportsCenter show when Linda Cohn says, “Later on in the fourth, watch Jason Williams throw this no-look pass into the stands, and then watch this — a vein comes flying out of Hubie Brown’s neck!”

Speaking of coffee, here’s a leftover question from my last days in Boston: When you recognize the new teller at your local bank as the guy who used to serve coffee at your local Dunkin Donuts [Note: they just shut down the Clarendon D&D -- the franchise closest to your humble Agitator. I fell like I've lost a finger. It's a very sad day.], is it okay to congratulate him on his new job? I’m still trying to figure this out.

When Brett Favre retires, I’m rooting for the Packers to sign Marc Bulger and revolve the offense around Bulger, Donald Driver and Bubba Franks. They could even bring in Vince Voyeur and Dale DaBone as offensive coordinators.

Wouldn’t you have loved to have been in the room after HBO pulled the plug on “Arli$$,” when Robert Wuhl casually mentioned to his former bosses on the way out, “Guys, now that the show’s done, maybe we could take advantage of this DVD craze and put out a few DVDs,” and all the HBO higher-ups were hemming and hawing and saying, “Yeah, Bob, excellent idea, we’ll definitely look into it … we’ll let you know …”

When Clark Kent gave up his superpowers to marry Lois Lane in “Superman 2,” he made Doug Christie look like Ike Turner.

Nice to see L.A. hasn’t softened the Sportsguy.

This entry was posted on Saturday, December 14th, 2002 at 12:40 pm by Radley Balko and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.