Speaking of women’s hoops, could somebody remind me to write a running diary of the WNBA draft next spring? Just pick after pick of female basketball players, followed by them walking awkwardly onto the stage in high heels. Can you put a price on that kind of comedy? Somebody needs to make the “Female Basketball Stars Walking in High Heels” DVD, with director’s commentary from Lisa Leslie and Kara Wolters.

I wish you could buy the “Hitting a game-winning homer, rounding the bases, then jumping on home plate as everyone slaps you on the head” experience on eBay. And while we’re at it, the “Getting restrained from attacking an umpire by three other players, then trying to still get at him while screaming obscenities,” would be pretty good, too. They should have a theme park for this stuff.

Don’t you get the feeling that, if you dated any actress in Hollywood, it would just be a series of nights being a bystander to relentless chain-smoking, extended stints in the bathroom with the water running really loudly, and constant teeth-brushing … before you finally gave up and dumped her? At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

“Instigating a hockey altercation, then wussing out of the actual fight” should be a five-minute major.

I’m still hoping that Mo Cheeks and Dick Harter end up on the same NBA coaching staff some day.